TPO-46 - Integrated Writing Task In the United States, medical information about patients traditionally has been recorded and stored on paper forms. However, there are efforts to persuade doctors to adopt electronic medical record systems in which informa

The reading states that it is necessarely that all medical information about patients transfer from papers to electronic forms and provides three advantages. On the other hand, the professor argues that this effort is not essential and refutes each author's reasons.

Initially, the reading refers to how much it costs hospitals to store and transfer medical records on papers. The author says that by computerizing record, we may eliminate all these extra costs and make it easier for doctors to access these records. On the contrary, the professor argues that even though we conduct this idea, doctors still would restore their medical records and also, they must pay cost for electronic restoring.

Furthermore, the reading claims that if we computerized these records, we would decline possible errors, such as handwriting, improper transcription and so on, which could causes serious consequences for patients' health. In contrast, the professor refutes this claim by saying that doctors would still write transcriptions on papers and such kinds of errors would still occur.

Last but not least, the reading explians that comprehesive records have tremendous benifits for medical researchs and more importantly, these collections would be accessed from any location. However, the professor advocates that these collections must fallow privacy laws and some patients might block their data and researcher need all patients' premissions to access electronic records, hence it is not an appropriate solution for researchers.

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Average: 8 (2 votes)
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Sentence: Furthermore, the reading claims that if we computerized these records, we would decline possible errors, such as handwriting, improper transcription and so on, which could causes serious consequences for patients' health.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to could and causes

Sentence: The reading states that it is necessarely that all medical information about patients transfer from papers to electronic forms and provides three advantages.
Error: necessarely Suggestion: necessarily

Sentence: Last but not least, the reading explians that comprehesive records have tremendous benifits for medical researchs and more importantly, these collections would be accessed from any location.
Error: comprehesive Suggestion: comprehensive
Error: benifits Suggestion: benefits
Error: explians Suggestion: explains

Sentence: However, the professor advocates that these collections must fallow privacy laws and some patients might block their data and researcher need all patients' premissions to access electronic records, hence it is not an appropriate solution for researchers.
Error: premissions Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 9 12
No. of Words: 232 250
No. of Characters: 1265 1200
No. of Different Words: 136 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.903 4.2
Average Word Length: 5.453 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.727 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 97 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 76 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 50 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.778 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.75 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.424 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.685 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.135 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4