TPO-46 - Integrated Writing Task In the United States, medical information about patients traditionally has been recorded and stored on paper forms. However, there are efforts to persuade doctors to adopt electronic medical record systems in which informa

The lecture and the reading discus the electronic way of storing medical data .
While the reading claims that it is such an advantageous way over regular way,the professor casts doubts on several key beliefs about the benefit of electronic storage of medical data as they presented in the reading passage and claiming that it’s benefit is uncertain.
To begin with, the reading claims that electronic storage of medical record is cheap and will save money , however, the lecture argues that it will not save money as the need of regular storage will persist even when health care professionals do use the electronic storage and that is because ,usually doctors will use the paper data as backup .
Furthermore, she gives another convincing reason to comfirm the use of paper data and that it is the necessity of having patient signature which is important to save in hard copy by the law.
In addition,the reading makes the argue that electronic data will eliminate human error .
On the other hand in the lecture the professor counters this point by stating that there will be no elimination of errors as actually the doctor will still use the pen and paper and it is his staff who enter the data electronically at the end of the work day .

Third, the reading argues that the saving of data electronically will benefit the research and make it easy for the researchers to access the data . The lecture refutes this claim by pointing out that there will be no benefit to researchers as the access will still difficult due to the strict privacy law in the USA besides the permission is not granted from patients as they can refuse .

Lastly, the professor in the lecture refutes all claims stated in the reading concerning the benefit of electronic save of medical data , and she used convincing reliable reasons .

Votes
Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
Essays by the user:

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 78, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...e electronic way of storing medical data . While the reading claims that it is su...
^^
Line 2, column 78, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...uch an advantageous way over regular way,the professor casts doubts on several key b...
^^^^
Line 3, column 106, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ical record is cheap and will save money , however, the lecture argues that it wil...
^^
Line 3, column 294, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...e electronic storage and that is because ,usually doctors will use the paper data ...
^^
Line 3, column 345, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...octors will use the paper data as backup . Furthermore, she gives another convinc...
^^
Line 5, column 12, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...ve in hard copy by the law. In addition,the reading makes the argue that electronic...
^^^^
Line 5, column 31, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...the law. In addition,the reading makes the argue that electronic data will eliminate hum...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 88, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ectronic data will eliminate human error . On the other hand in the lecture the p...
^^
Line 6, column 259, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...lectronically at the end of the work day . Third, the reading argues that the s...
^^
Line 8, column 147, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...y for the researchers to access the data . The lecture refutes this claim by point...
^^
Line 8, column 388, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...granted from patients as they can refuse . Lastly, the professor in the lecture...
^^
Line 10, column 136, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...nefit of electronic save of medical data , and she used convincing reliable reason...
^^
Line 10, column 179, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...and she used convincing reliable reasons .
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, besides, furthermore, however, if, lastly, so, still, third, while, in addition, to begin with, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 10.4613686534 96% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 5.04856512141 238% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 9.0 7.30242825607 123% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 12.0772626932 108% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 22.412803532 103% => OK
Preposition: 38.0 30.3222958057 125% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 5.01324503311 40% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1514.0 1373.03311258 110% => OK
No of words: 309.0 270.72406181 114% => OK
Chars per words: 4.8996763754 5.08290768461 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.1926597562 4.04702891845 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60032281286 2.5805825403 101% => OK
Unique words: 146.0 145.348785872 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.472491909385 0.540411800872 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 481.5 419.366225166 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 3.25607064018 31% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.23620309051 97% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 1.25165562914 80% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.51434878587 66% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 2.5761589404 116% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 9.0 13.0662251656 69% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 34.0 21.2450331126 160% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 82.9083980616 49.2860985944 168% => OK
Chars per sentence: 168.222222222 110.228320801 153% => OK
Words per sentence: 34.3333333333 21.698381199 158% => OK
Discourse Markers: 13.6666666667 7.06452816374 193% => OK
Paragraphs: 8.0 4.09492273731 195% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 13.0 4.19205298013 310% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 4.33554083885 115% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 4.45695364238 67% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.27373068433 23% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.284020205376 0.272083759551 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.135235761876 0.0996497079465 136% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0485053797863 0.0662205650399 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.140194734191 0.162205337803 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0483896506378 0.0443174109184 109% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.8 13.3589403974 141% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 36.97 53.8541721854 69% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 5.55761589404 158% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 16.6 11.0289183223 151% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.73 12.2367328918 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.39 8.42419426049 100% => OK
difficult_words: 60.0 63.6247240618 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 10.7273730684 172% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.6 10.498013245 149% => OK
text_standard: 19.0 11.2008830022 170% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Maximum four paragraphs wanted.

Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.