Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.
Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
One of the highly controversial debates today relates to whether sports stars are beneficial for youngsters and young adults as they are generally known to be representing themselves as a good role model and admired throughout their countries. In this essay, I am going to delve into the question from both points of views through presenting its merits and demerits and then give my own perspective on the matter.
On one side of the argument, people contend that a well-known sports person gives a positive influence many immature people. I also believe that they can be a good example for ordinary people when they commit some activities involving donations. A professional athlete makes an enormous amount of money through many ways such as guaranteed money from the competition, bonus earned from the winning the first place in the contest, and showing in the TV commercials. The athlete can donate a considerable amount of money out of his total income in order to give a financial relief to many who are disadvantaged and those who cannot afford the cost to cure their unique disease such as a cancer or HIV. Through this donation, many young people who admire this certain athlete would be inspired and think they should do the same thing as him, helping others who are in need as far as their capacity allows when they become successful in later life.
One the other hand, behavior of one famous athlete can result in a greater disappointment among young people. As they are wealthy enough to purchase pretty much everything they want, they can be tempted to buy illegal drugs such as cocaine and heroin. The drug abuse is strictly prohibited in many countries. When they get caught, not only they will be punished by law, but also be reported by the media such as news everywhere. In this way, many who admired this certain athlete would be disappointed and affected in a way that they would also get tempted and stimulated to drug abuse due to the phenomenon of curiosity.
In conclusion, sports stars can give a favourable impact on young people’s way of thinking while they can also affect them negatively when they commit such activity that is against the law. However, in my opinion, I tend to believe that the benefits of influence by these athletes outweigh its potential drawbacks.
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Comments
not only will they be
not only will they be punished by law, but also reported by media.
or
not only will they be punished by law, but also they will be reported by media.
Am I correct..? if so, which sentence do you think is better?
thank you
The first one should be: they
The first one should be:
they will be not only punished by law, but also reported by media.
the second sentence is correct, but it has duplicated content: 'they will be'
gives a positive influence many immature people.
gives a positive influence on many immature people.
not only they will be punished by law, but also be reported by the media
Description: Not only...but also is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 393 350
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.452 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.771 4.6
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No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 9.975 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.643 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.542 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5