Should smoke be banned ? Do you agree or disagree ?

Essay topics:

Should smoke be banned ? Do you agree or disagree ?

Most of people disagree to banned smoke because of revenue's state and problem of vacancy. But I personally tend to agree to banned smoke because it can give some disadvantages for my country such as, source of ill, wasting money, and air pollution. I will support my essay with explanation of those advantages and examples I have been seen everyday also with result of research.

To begin with, a research results that many kinds of ill are caused by smoke. Another research shows that about 50% smoker were dead because of the ill.For example in my country about 239,000 death are caused by smoke. Those researches are proving smoking is source of many ills.

Besides that, smoke can waste much money. Each of smoker buys minimum one pack cigarette per day. For buying one pack cigarette is needed money about IDR12,000. For a month smoker will spend money about IDR360,000. We can use that money for more important needs. Take for examples buying rice and helping others to pay their education fee.

Finally, smoke causes air pollution. Chemical components in cigarette will influence air. It will become free radicals which is very dangerous. Not only free radicals, but the smoke of cigarette also contain poisons like nicotine and tar. When those components spread in the air and it is inhaled by people especially children, they can get breath problem.

To conclude my writing, I personally agree that smoke should be banned. Those reasons I have mentioned and explained above prove that smoke gives negative effect for my country.

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Average: 5 (2 votes)
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IELTS Writing Task II - IELTS Academic

Comments

Need to have 4-5 paragraphs:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion

or:

para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...

Most of people disagree to banned smoke
Most of people disagree to ban smoking

Sentence: But I personally tend to agree to banned smoke because it can give some disadvantages for my country such as, source of ill, wasting money, and air pollution.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to to and banned
Description: The word ill is not usually used as a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to ill

is source of many ills.
is the source of many illnesses.

smoke can waste much money.
smoking can waste much money.

free radicals which is very dangerous.
free radicals which are very dangerous.

smoke should be banned.
smoking should be banned.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.737 21.0

Your first step is to read a good grammar book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 261 350
No. of Characters: 1245 1500
No. of Different Words: 149 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.019 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.77 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.324 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 86 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 62 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 36 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.737 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.163 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.368 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.558 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.101 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5