The following recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.
"Two years ago, the nearby town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. Therefore, the best way to improve Hopewell's economy—and generate additional tax revenues—is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."
In this memo, the author argues that Hopewell should build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View in order to improve hopewell’s economy. Although this argument may seem convincing at first, the unsubstantiated assumptions lead me to question its validity.
The first assumption the author makes is that a new municipal golf course and resort hotel improved Ocean View’s economy. However, it is possible that the economy improved because of the creation of a new museum or cultural sites, not because of the goal course and hotel. It is also plausible that the convenient transportation in Ocean View allowed people to readily access the golf course and resort hotel. The opening of a new highway or airport could have engendered the boom in the economy.
Furthermore, the author assumes that the three advantages – the increase in tourism, the opening of new business, and the increasing tax rates – indicate Ocean View’s good economy. However, the author does not specifically state exactly how much tourism has increased. If the increase if negligible, it may not be a substantial increase. Also, new is not necessarily better. Without the long term results, the creation of such businesses might not be an indicator of Ocean View’s good economic conditions. Moreover, if initial tax revenues were marginal, 30% increase may not be significant.
Lastly, the author falsely assumes that the inherent characteristics of Hopewell are similar to those of Ocean View. However it is likely that the town of Hopewell might have an extreme problem of air pollution or unpredictable weather, and therefore, people would not want to golf or relax in Hopewell. Moreover, in all possibility, Hopewell already has a plethora of tourist attractions, and so, the creation of a golf course and hotel may not succeed. On the other hand, the new municipal golf course and resort hotel in Ocean View could have been the first major tourist attractions. Therefore, the author cannot assume that the success of Ocean View indicates the success of Hopewell.
In summary, the author’s claim is unconvincing. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to provide more concrete information on the two cities and rule out other factors that can yield the economic development of Hopewell.
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK. Need to argue whether the economic situation is exactly the same currently as it was two years ago.
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 372 350
No. of Characters: 1867 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.392 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.019 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.718 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.579 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.235 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.789 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.345 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.561 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.084 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5