The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last ten years.
Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
It is inevitable that the figure for people in the western society particularly the children who have the disease regarding overweight has increased by virtually 20 percent over the last ten years. This is believed that the problem is caused by several reasons including consuming poor diet and ready-meal food regularly. Therefore, there are several problems which can be faced by the youngsters such as heart disease, bullying, and they are likely to be self-esteem.
The main cause of this problem is poor diet. A 2010 Harvard University study reveals that the number of fast food restaurant in USA increases over the year. For example, MacDonald and Kentucky fried chicken restaurant can be discovered in the main street in New York, and plenty of advertisement are targeted for the children. Although this form of food has been proven to be unhealthy diet, the youngsters have a tendency to consume the food. Thus, they are affected to be overweight. Furthermore, the type of diet in which the children ingest in their home seems like processed food causing them to be unhealthy.
The effects of overweight can be serious problems for the children. First, they could probably obtain severe disease which is utterly dangerous for their body such heart disease. Since they are affected this form of problem, the children should be injected by insulin in order to protect the disease. Another common problem that can be encountered by youngster is bullying in the school. Normally, the overweight children in the school are given some negative words by their peers relating their body. Moreover, sometimes the children may affect the self-esteem.
The aforementioned evidence reveals that the figure for overweight among children in western countries are caused by their eating pattern which is unhealthy, and the effects are very serious including several disease, bullying in school and self-esteem. Where possible, the parents should control what form of diet which will be consumed by their child.
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and they are likely to be self-esteem.
Description: can you re-write this sentence?
and plenty of advertisement are targeted for the children
and a plenty of advertisement are targeting children
has been proven to be unhealthy diet,
has been proven to be unhealthy,
they are affected to be overweight.
they are affected by overweight.
Sentence: Furthermore, the type of diet in which the children ingest in their home seems like processed food causing them to be unhealthy.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to children and ingest
Sentence: First, they could probably obtain severe disease which is utterly dangerous for their body such heart disease.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to body and such
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 323 350
No. of Characters: 1646 1500
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.239 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.096 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.617 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 125 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.904 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.412 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.512 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.065 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5