Some people feel that there is too much emphasis on getting an education, and that governments should spend money on leisure time activities for young people too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I completely agree from the fact that too much stress is laid on acquiring education, and the governments should now invest some money in recreational activities.
Since the time immemorial, education has proven to be of essence to mankind. However, the present educational system has become a cobweb and is leading to a stressful life. Therefore, pupil need spare time during the day where they could relax and become untroubled by their studies. For instance, it is proven by latest research, in order to perform at its maximal capacity the brain needs to have some little time of serenity and solitude. These free time activities can be allotted to the students either by building sports and recreational activity centres at schools, collages and universities or by constructing parks and play grounds outdoors.
Moreover, without these centres, societies have to tolerate its adverse effects. Youngsters, who need to fill in their free time indulge themselves in a crime, drugs, vandalism, graffiti etc. These juvenile delinquencies impart a negative impact on their personalities and lead them astray. For example, my home town area is deficient of parks and play grounds where young people could unwind during their respite, therefore an increasing number of youngsters these days are observed drugging. Thus, it is imperative that more money should be granted in budget so that quality class recreational activities could be provided to all.
Conclusively, I would say that governments should now pay similar attention as education on the provision of recreational activity centres in order to establish a positive individual and a society.
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flaws:
No. of Words: 260 350
try this pattern in 5 paragraphs:
paragraph 1: introduction. Your ideas/opinions here.
paragraph 2: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side A. First, ... Second, ...
paragraph 3: However, still I support side B. reason 1 + why reason 1 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 4: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example + a small conclusion for this paragraph.
paragraph 5: conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 260 350
No. of Characters: 1357 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.016 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.219 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.84 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 106 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 82 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.636 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.523 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.576 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.057 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5