Do you Agree or Disagree with the Following statement? The Extended Family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and Uncles) Important is less now than it was in the Past. Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer.
There is a cliche' in my culture says that" the real man is not that who talks about his father's glory, the real man is that who shows his glory." I completely agree with it. Nowadays, our extended families do not play any important role in our lives or our next generations' future lives. Since, people change their places perhaps for obtaining a good education, seeking for a peaceful life or for having the better job, I believe that extended families become less important that it was in the past.
To begin, with the revolution in technology people become more independent with their lives. Recently, it become easier for transportation and studying far away from our families. If you live in China, and you want to study in the U.S. you can go and depend completely on yourself. Now, each university has its dormitory rooms for its students; foreigners do not need to seek for affordable places to rent or waist their money for unfamiliar and expensive apartments. Today, students feel so close to their hometowns.They can call their parents and friends and enjoy living alone. While, In the past, it was impossible to study abroad, no airplanes and no internet. People in past need their relatives to give them support, protection, and safety.For my personal experience, when I finished my high school in my city, under the name of safety my parent did not allow me to continue my higher education far away in the university I want. At that time, I have no relatives to help me. So desperately, I studied a subject I disliked being at my home among my family.But now, I am here alone thousands miles away, studying my dream and do not need any physical support from my extended family. I booked my flight, I live in a dormitory room and call my mother and my father every day.
Also, in America, people do not care about extended families, they belong to their parents , sisters and brothers till they become young adults and leave them to start a new life. While, Eastern cultures think families and extended families are as important as their parents. Unfortunately, most of those countries are suffering from war crisis, which forests them mandatory leaving their houses, their cities for ever. For example, I am from Iraq, all my relatives left the country after 2003, I was 18 at that time.All those relatives migtated to different countries.I am in America, my sister in France, My uncle in South Africa. We are enrolled in different customs, and learn different languages.Furthermore, our kids do not speak their mother language; they belong to the new culture they born and faithful to it.Their relatives are merely names probably they would not remember in the future.
Finally, I think people usually change their places and leave their families seeking for jobs.Some of them looking for a well-paid salary, others for their hobbies.For example, my uncle at 1970 left his family and city and migrated to France to build his dream and become a famous painter. He did not need any help from any relatives; it was very hard but, if you have your dearm and have your talent.Follow your heart and build your glory. Sometimes the family would let you down because they could not understand you.
All in all, extended family are emotionally important these days.However, In my opinion, grandfathers, aunts, and uncles are not important in our lives as in the past.
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2016-01-26 | Samar 1984 | 60 | view |
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the real man is not that who talks about his father's glory
the real man is not the one who talks about his father's glory
become less important that it was in the past.
become less important than it was in the past.
Sentence: Recently, it become easier for transportation and studying far away from our families.
Description: The fragment it become easier is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace become with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: We are enrolled in different customs, and learn different languages.Furthermore, our kids do not speak their mother language; they belong to the new culture they born and faithful to it.Their relatives are merely names probably they would not remember in the future.
Description: The fragment they born and is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace born with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Sentence: For example, I am from Iraq, all my relatives left the country after 2003, I was 18 at that time.All those relatives migtated to different countries.I am in America, my sister in France, My uncle in South Africa.
Error: migtated Suggestion: migrated
Sentence: He did not need any help from any relatives; it was very hard but, if you have your dearm and have your talent.Follow your heart and build your glory.
Error: dearm Suggestion: dream
flaws:
No. of Words: 590 350 //you may put two paragraphs, or put less content for examples.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. Essay e-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 590 350
No. of Characters: 2705 1500
No. of Different Words: 281 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.928 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.585 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.413 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 177 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.652 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.568 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.478 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.293 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.472 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5