Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is undeniable that children should acquire knowledge to be good members of society from their parents. While I accept that school is the best place for learning good behavior, I believe both points of view have effect for children to become good people.
Some people claim that school is not place for studying how the way to be good members of society because students in school should focus on their subjects. Children want to acquire knowledge to become good people which they could obtain from their parents. Both father and mother are the best example for adults to know how to become good behavior. For instance, parents of children who have good relationship with society which children could follow what their parents perform such as working together with others to clean environment. Hence, parents should teach their children how to be good folks.
On the other hand, several people believe that school not only place to provide education but also bestow knowledge how to become good personality of society. Students in a school could create small society with their friends; they are able to know to be good people by themselves. According to some observers of UNICEF, almost 90 per cent adults have education that they would become good behavior, and 60 per cent children who have not knowledge able to become bad people in society. Consequently, besides provide knowledge, school has another function to make children having good behavior.
To sum up, although school could create children to become good people, it seems to me that parents have positive effect when children would know how to have good behavior.
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Sentence: According to some observers of UNICEF, almost 90 per cent adults have education that they would become good behavior, and 60 per cent children who have not knowledge able to become bad people in society.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to knowledge and able
On the other hand, several people believe that school not only place to provide education but also bestow knowledge how to become good personality of society.
Description: 'not only ... but also ...' is not used properly
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 125 200
improve vocabulary words.
and you still have grammar issues. Read a grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 271 350
No. of Characters: 1333 1500
No. of Different Words: 125 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.057 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.919 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.255 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 40 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 15 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.583 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.147 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.499 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.637 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5