The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.
To what extent do you agree with these views?
Nowadays in most of the countries all over the world the number of people suffering from obesity is rising. Especially this figure is rapidly increasing among children. I totally agree that this is the result of fast food consumption. However, in some cases it is all parents’ responsibility to see what their children eat. This essay will have a look to reasons why children prefer to eat fast food and how it is resulted in their health.
First of all, it is well known fact that fast food as well as coke contains harmful for health chemicals. And it is not surprising that in most cafes there are special offers: hamburger plus free coke. This combination is the most detrimental. Not taking this harm into the account, many children buy hamburgers in order to get a free coke. By the time this becomes their habit, so that after some time children become overweight. Secondly let’s think of an average cost of fast food. It’s more or less than 10 dollars. Certainly, many students prefer to go to fast food cafes after school day rather than eating at home. Eating this not properly also causes some problems related to their digestive system. But in many cases, the most common result of its consumption - is overweighting. And thirdly – these days there are many toy “fast food” boxes for small kids. Kids like these boxes because of different colorful gifts inside. To summarize this paragraph, there are three reasons why children choose to eat fast food and then suffer from it: special offers, cheap price and gifts.
On the other hand, children’s overweight sometimes is their parents’ response. Parents themselves, do not pay too much attention to fast food’s harm and let their children eat it. They realize its full damage only when an early signs of illness occur.
To conclude, I believe that children’s overweight is a direct result of their fast food consumption.
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flaws:
'On the other hand' means However. It doesn't mean 'On another hand'.
Be sensitive to use 'On the other hand' or 'However' in essays. It changes the structure of essays.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 322 350
No. of Characters: 1515 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.236 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.705 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.388 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 95 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 67 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.636 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.941 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.288 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.423 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5