argument:"Silky Tresses shampoo are packed with effective ingredients (such as the tress-vitamin formula) that can transform your hair.Therefore using it regularly will result in long-lasting healthy hair".
Author mentions about silky tresses shampoos which concludes that using it regularly will result in long-lasting,healthy hair.The statement provided by author lacks sufficient data to establish the claim and hence is not convincing to the reader.As,The statement is not supported by any evidence produced by scientific inquiry or tests.
first of all,there is no data provided to support the claim that Silky tresses shampoos are "packed with effective ingredients(such as...").The use of words 'such as',which implies that there are many unnamed effective ingredients besides tress-vitamin,suggests that author is making a false statement designed to impress,and that there are in fact no such ingredients besides the one mentioned.if there are other such ingredients,why name only one?The writer should provide list of the beneficial ingredients.author speaks about only tress-vitamin formula,no other vitamins are given.Only Tress vitamin as ingredient is sufficient to transform hair?Again author needs to provide more details regarding other vitamins.
Secondly,author claims about the effectiveness of tress-vitamin,long lasting healthy hair cannot be accepted without evidence produced by chemical and clinical testing.On what basis author speaks about effectiveness of tress-vitamin.Is it tested over people?people can be children,adults,old.whether it is suitable for all age group?from children to old people,Is it effective for all people belonging to different age-group?such evidence can strengthen the claim of the writer.
Finally,the statement implies silky tresses shampoos are available in several varieties,Is so,how many and what are those varieties?How do they differ from each other in their physical and chemical attributes and their effect on hair?Answers to these questions will assure the reader that one has a wide choice of shampoos to choose from on the basis of either the special attributes of the individual shampoos or the special needs of one's hair.Such information will make argument more convincing.
Conclusively,it can be said that author needs to provide much more data to corroborate his statement.In the absence of such data,Author's suggestion fails to convince reader.Shedding light on them will surely strengthen the argument.
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flaws:
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 364 350
No. of Characters: 1889 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.368 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.19 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.741 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.132 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.3 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.296 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.527 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.106 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5