Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.
There is no doubt that today neighbors depend on each other less than in the past. The world has changed. The fast pace of lives and the fast growing of cities affect neighbors’ relationship.
First, the rapid pace of lives makes people hurry for their businesses, so people won’t have time to give attention to their neighbors. Students have their packed study schedules same as adults who have to compete with the aggressive competition in the business world. As a result, each day, there are only a little time left for them and they would better spend this time for relaxing or doing other things rather than having a business with the neighbors. Take myself as example, I’m a student and every day I have to leave home for school at 8.00 AM. and then I have a part time job to do after finish studying. I usually arrive home after 10.00 PM. with a lots of feeling exhausted, so I need time to relax and refresh myself because I also still have my homework to do. So there is no doubt that I don’t have time to have conversation to my neighbors.
Second, the fast growing of cities effects safety and decreases trust to neighbors. Cities provide people jobs and other opportunities, so many people from different background, different culture, ethnicity, are congested in the cities. These factors can interfere and can be barrier for neighbors’ relationship. For example, San Francisco has a lot of people from around the world. Even though it is a good place for education and jobs, crime rates also remain high every years. Using mobile phone on the street opens the door for thieves to take your phone and run away. Even though you ask for catching the thief from people who walk around on the street, it’s rarely to get help because nobody knows you so they won’t help. Another case is that even though you stay in your house, it’s still not safe and often happened on the news that people are stolen their valuable things in their house while they are sleeping or staying in their house. Furthermore, sometimes the thieves are your neighbors! In the past, it’s a small town and we know who are our neighbors and they usually live there for a long time. So, we can trust each other. In contrast, today the city neighbor is opposite.
In conclusion, I agree that the fast pace of lives and the fast expanding of the cities impact to neighbors’ attitude to each other, so they less depend on each other than people in previous generation.
- The best leaders should admit if they made a bad decision? 75
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school Use specific reasons and examples to support your position 71
- TOEFL integrated writing: certifications 90
- TOEFL integrated writing: Chevalier de Seingalt 85
- Movies and Televisions make more negative effects than positive effects on young people s behavior 63
Sentence: Second, the fast growing of cities effects safety and decreases trust to neighbors.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to cities and effects
flaws:
1. The examples in the second reason are not related to the topic:
The topic sentence is:
Second, the fast growing of cities effects safety and decreases trust to neighbors.
the examples are:
For example, San Francisco has a lot of people from around the world. Even though it is a good place for education and jobs, crime rates also remain high every years. Using mobile phone on the street opens the door for thieves to take your phone and run away. Even though you ask for catching the thief from people who walk around on the street, it’s rarely to get help because nobody knows you so they won’t help. Another case is that even though you stay in your house, it’s still not safe and often happened on the news that people are stolen their valuable things in their house while they are sleeping or staying in their house.
2. The essay should compare to the past, how is the past
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 440 350
No. of Characters: 1962 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.58 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.459 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.253 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 71 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.309 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.296 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.44 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5