*Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.
Some, maintaining the viewpoint that there must be something they can learn from the experience of successful people, claim that one can succeed only when he follows others’ trend and does what successful people have done. I concede their opinion. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, we are not the products which are totally the same produced by a factory, it is the difference that gives us chance to distinguish ourselves and achieve the success.
It is always the top of my list of reasons for this opinion that accomplishing things that others feel reluctant to do will make a difference, thus leading to success. Nothing can be more obvious to prove the idea than the example of Nightingale. Nightingale, who nursed the solder back to health, devoted herself into helping others for her whole life. In 1853, Britain, France, and other countries of the outbreak of the Crimean War with Russia. Nightingale at the invitation of the British government, led by 38 nurses rushed to the front line. She always worked over 20 hours a day- purchase medicines and medical equipment for hospitals and rectify the operating room, cafeteria and laboratory. The reorganization of the hospital improves the living environment and nutrition conditions of the wounded. Tired as she was, she believed it is worthwhile to do that.
Lending even more credibility to my point of view is that the treasure is always the rare one.
Warren Buffett will invest in the securities which no one will give a consideration to. Einstein give out his general theory of relativity which have broken the rules of classical physics insisted by most physicists. What’s more, over 100 researches conducted in ten major cities in the US by a sociologist revealed the fact that over 70% of the respondents do not want to be like others. No one can dispute that during the interview, the board of interviewers tend to find the differences among the interviewees who can make considerable contributions to the enterprise.
Admittedly, an established people do have his or her unique assets which can also be acquired by others who are eager to succeed. With the diligent images repeatedly appear in the mind, a child who want to be NBA stars like Kobe will never wipe out the saying that ‘ Do you know what does the New York city look like at 4 a.m? , I know.’ The child will be eager to know what Kobe had done and how did he grow up and follows his trend. We cannot dampen the child’s dream. It is enthusiasms that create successful people. But in the end, you are successful because you are who you are.
Given the points above, it is significant to be who we are. Do the things we like and stick to it. Someday you will become the great man in others’ eyes.
- Getting advice from friends of an older age would be more valuable than from friends your own age 74
- Schools (universities, colleges and high schools) should teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general subjects. 95
- The extended family (such as grandparents, cousins, aunt, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. 90
- Government should spend more money in sponsoring arts than in athletics (like state Olympics team) 90
- People who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill. 55
Some, maintaining the viewpoint that there must be something they can learn from the experience of successful people, claim that one can succeed only when he follows others' trend and does what successful people have done.
Suggestion: Some people who maintain the viewpoint that there must be something they can learn from the experience of successful people claim that one can succeed only when he follows others' trend and does what successful people have done.
Sentence: Warren Buffett will invest in the securities which no one will give a consideration to.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a sentence terminator
Suggestion: Refer to to and .
Sentence: Einstein give out his general theory of relativity which have broken the rules of classical physics insisted by most physicists.
Description: The fragment Einstein give out is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace give with verb, past tense
Sentence: With the diligent images repeatedly appear in the mind, a child who want to be NBA stars like Kobe will never wipe out the saying that Do you know what does the New York city look like at 4 a.m? , I know.' The child will be eager to know what Kobe had done and how did he grow up and follows his trend.
Description: The fragment city look like is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace look with verb, past tense
Description: The fragment he grow up is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace grow with verb, past tense
Sentence: It is enthusiasms that create successful people.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to is and enthusiasms
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2 -- still have grammar issues.
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.247 0.35 -- It means Your mind is going around randomly. you need to focus on one idea in one paragraph. one example for one paragraph. Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3:Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First
Para 4:Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
another issue:
In your introduction: 'I concede their opinion. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned,' this is like a pattern sentence, which is not liked by ETS. So change your writing style a little bit.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 477 350
No. of Characters: 2195 1500
No. of Different Words: 263 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.673 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.602 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.681 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.775 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.208 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.247 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.459 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5