A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go on vacation or to buy a car
Your friend asked you for advice. Compare your friend's two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose.
People can decide on own money, spending it in every arbitrary way they want. If my friend was in vacillation between buying a car and going to the trip and spend money for vacation, I would advice her to buy a car without any hesitation, as I myself would do the same in parallel situation. Through the following paragraphs I will substantiate my opinion and make it cogent that why buying a car is more reasonable than spending money on trip.
First, car is virtually a vital vehicle for every one or every family. In my country almost each family have at least one car. It prepares more convenient for people. Not only in transportation, but also in emergency situations play an important role. Taking me as an example, last year my aunt was in our home. Suddenly, hearing bad news, she was anesthetized and although we called to ambulance, but they weren’t hasty and we had to bring her hospital by own car. Under that circumstance, we could save my aunt’s life and rescue her from close distance to death since the doctor said if we had not brought her soon, some non-solvable events would occur for her. When car might be important inasmuch as save others’ life, why don’t I encourage my friend to have one?
In addition, by spending money on either vacation or trip, the money would be finished, yet by buying car one can survive his/her money every moment he/she wants. Therefore, my friend can bring money back every time she wants if she purchased a car. For instance, one of our relatives abruptly took into the bankruptcy more years ago. They really abate in difficulties and need money forcefully. They sold their expensive car and utilized its money to remedy their debts. In fact, we can see car as an enterprise, using it in hard situations.
What’s more, people can go to vacation every time they want. Actually, my mean refers to those people who not belong to impecunious level of society. Furthermore, when they can decide to have a trip, they can try to save their money and after they realized they are able to go, commence their trip. But no one can prognosticate the economic status of country precisely. As in my country the cost of car rapidly increased because of inflation and it was a great shock for everyone because it wasn’t conceivable for them. They could not assimilate changing price. People, who have not had any cars, cannot imagine they might have one a day. Perhaps they lost all opportunity they had. Nonetheless, wealthy people have power of buying every thing in every moment, but typical people not. Hence, it is more advisable if one have money and can buy car now, do it rapidly before abrupt occurrences happened.
To wrap up, taking all aforementioned reasons into account, I wholeheartedly advice my friend to consume her money on buying car rather than vacation.
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Not only in transportation but also play an important role in emergency situations.
Description: not only ... but also ... is not used properly
Sentence: Therefore, my friend can bring money back every time she wants if she purchase a car.
Description: The fragment she purchase a is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace purchase with verb, past tense
Sentence: Actually, my mean is those people who not belong to impecunious level of society.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, plural
Suggestion: Refer to is and those
Sentence: Nonetheless, wealthy have power of buy every thing in every moment, but typical people not.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb 'to have', uninflected present tense, infinitive or
Suggestion: Refer to wealthy and have
Description: The token of is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to of and buy
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
Be sensitive to use 'On the other hand', 'However','Nonetheless', 'But' in the essays.
Look at the paragraph 4.
Make the examples simper and shorter. Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2:First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3:Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First
Para 4:Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 496 350
No. of Characters: 2234 1500
No. of Different Words: 252 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.719 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.504 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.534 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.714 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.855 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.443 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.13 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5