TPO 46 - Integrated Writing Task

Essay topics:

TPO 46 - Integrated Writing Task

In the passage, it is proposed that storing patients' medical records in electronic databases is more advantageous rather than paper-based records. In contrast, the lecturer casts doubt on these three advantages.

First of all, in the passage, it in presented that using electronic databases to store records will make it less expensive since using paper-based records requires a great amount of space to be placed. Whereas, the professor puts forth that using electronic databases may not better the situation because a lot of doctors will still choose paper to record as backup. Furthermore, they may still use them especially those documents with signatures for illegal purposes. Consequently, the cost will not be reduced.

Secondly, it is thought to be truth that the use of electronic databases may reduce the errors as it can prevent illegible handwriting, improper transcription and stuff like these. Notwithstanding, the professor opposes that errors still exist even if the use of e-databases come out for some doctors will take notes and record something on paper. Then when transferring into e-databases, problems like poor handwriting still make it possible to make some mistakes.

Thirdly, in the passage, it seems feasible that e-databases can aid researches. However, the professor holds a contradictory point of view that the research service actually subjects to privacy laws. It still needs many procedures. So when the patients don't want to donate his or her information, it is still impossible to search for the information of diseases in electronic databases.
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Average: 8.8 (1 vote)
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Integrated TOEFL Writing

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 341, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to paper'
Suggestion: to paper
...ause a lot of doctors will still choose paper to record as backup. Furthermore, they ...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 254, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...s many procedures. So when the patients dont want to donate his or her information, ...
^^^^
Line 7, column 389, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...n of diseases in electronic databases. .
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, consequently, first, furthermore, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, still, then, third, thirdly, whereas, in contrast, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 10.4613686534 67% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 5.04856512141 178% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 7.30242825607 41% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 12.0772626932 75% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 22.412803532 103% => OK
Preposition: 30.0 30.3222958057 99% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 5.01324503311 80% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1348.0 1373.03311258 98% => OK
No of words: 247.0 270.72406181 91% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.45748987854 5.08290768461 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.96437052324 4.04702891845 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.05056245987 2.5805825403 118% => OK
Unique words: 149.0 145.348785872 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.603238866397 0.540411800872 112% => OK
syllable_count: 418.5 419.366225166 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.55342163355 109% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 3.25607064018 215% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 5.0 8.23620309051 61% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 1.25165562914 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 2.5761589404 155% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 13.0662251656 99% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 21.2450331126 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.9475156162 49.2860985944 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.692307692 110.228320801 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0 21.698381199 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.3076923077 7.06452816374 160% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 4.19205298013 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 4.33554083885 69% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 4.45695364238 135% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.27373068433 94% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.42006626105 0.272083759551 154% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.131569898551 0.0996497079465 132% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.135102186048 0.0662205650399 204% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.252614488026 0.162205337803 156% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0898622340017 0.0443174109184 203% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.8 13.3589403974 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 53.8541721854 81% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 5.55761589404 202% => Smog_index is high.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 11.0289183223 108% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.39 12.2367328918 118% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.73 8.42419426049 104% => OK
difficult_words: 65.0 63.6247240618 102% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.7273730684 112% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.498013245 91% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.2008830022 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 88.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 26.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.