Richness is the most important factor in helping other people To what extent do you agree or disagree

Essay topics:

Richness is the most important factor in helping other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Helping others is one of the important qualities of people that is decreasing. In this materialistic world, so many people are running after heaping wealth and power. Lots of people hold the view that, wealth is the vital factor to help others. I am totally disagreeing with this view and in my essay, I will explain why I feel so.

On the one hand, the problems of a group of people may disturb the total society. Rich people have a commitment towards the poor people’s sufferings. Money plays an important role, if we need to run an institution or other activities like building old age homes, ...

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Comments

flaws:
No. of Words: 309 350
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.045 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.705 7.5

The second paragraph is not developed smoothly.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 309 350
No. of Characters: 1430 1500
No. of Different Words: 171 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.193 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.628 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.489 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 98 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 41 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.045 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.705 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.455 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.299 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.507 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

It is better to develop in this pattern:

first sentence, your topic sentence or the reason A.

then you need to argue why A (not B). 2-3 sentences.

then give an example. 1-2 sentences.

then give a small conclusion or advantages of A. 1-2 sentences.

Apply this pattern to the second paragraph, you only need to re-arrange the sentences and it will be smoothly.