The following appeared as part of a campaign statement for Velazquez, who is seeking election as alderman in the town of Barchester:
“Under Police Commissioner Draco, the city of Spartanburg began jailing people for committing petty crimes such as littering, shoplifting, and spraying graffiti. Criminals in Spartanburg must have understood that lawlessness would no longer be tolerated, because the following year Spartanburg saw a 20% drop in violent crimes such as homicide. Our town should learn from Commissioner Draco’s success, and begin a large-scale crackdown on petty crime.”
In response to the large-scale petty crimes in Barchester, the author argues that measures should be taken to follow Police Commissioner Draco's implemented rules in Spartanburg city in order to change the mindsets of criminals. This argument suffers from a number of flaws, ranging from flimsy use of evidence to ill-conceived elements of proposal.
The author fails to consider the type of crimes happening in both the cities, as we see there is 20% drop in homicides in Spartanburg city does the Barchester city have homicide cases ? if so what is the percentage of homicide cases in Barchester ? Also the author's main agenda is to control the petty crimes not violent crimes like homicide. This statement particularly de-railing the main objective of the author.
Secondly, the author also failed to consider the literacy rate, crime rate and the nature of people (like age group & family background) in the two different cities, the people in Spartanburg might not be as literate as Barchester also the employment rate might be less in Spartanburg compared to Barchester where all these factors turning the people to involve in these petty crimes for meeting their daily basic expenses. It also depends on the family background, as mostly if it is a good educated family then most of their younger generations will always look into positive good way which will be vice versa in other scenario. Even this needs to be taken into consideration before coming to the conclusion as the agenda plays a crucial role for winning the elections.
Thirdly, the author also fails to consider the average daily expenses in both the cities, because in one of the research studies it got proved that "if the person is satisfied to meet basic minimum expenses then he won't be daring to participate in the crimes". So based on this study the living expenses might be costlier in Spartanburg compared to Barchester where it leads to more petty crimes in Spartanburg compared to Barchester. This flaw also need attention form author to turn his argument into a strong way.
In order to improve the proposal, the author would need to establish first, similarities between two cities by considering the factors like Literacy rate, employment rate etc.. which strongly motivate the people to participate in petty crimes. Second, the author need to modify the plan and loo for cities where there is reduction in petty crimes as he is comparing about the petty crimes between two cities but not with the Homicides which indeed comes under violent crimes. Even then, the fact that situations in life and necessities in the human life will inevitably change the people to make crimes renders this plan morally suspect.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2021-12-18 | krajahaj@buffalo.edu | 68 | view |
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 449 350
No. of Characters: 2209 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.603 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.92 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.603 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 165 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 32.071 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.073 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.619 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.118 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 545, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...e Barchester city have homicide cases ? if so what is the percentage of homicide c...
^^
Line 1, column 608, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ntage of homicide cases in Barchester ? Also the authors main agenda is to control t...
^^^^
Line 1, column 2274, Rule ID: DOUBLE_PUNCTUATION
Message: Two consecutive dots
Suggestion: .
... like Literacy rate, employment rate etc.. which strongly motivate the people to p...
^^
Line 1, column 2277, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Which
...ke Literacy rate, employment rate etc.. which strongly motivate the people to partici...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 2277, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “which” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ke Literacy rate, employment rate etc.. which strongly motivate the people to partici...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 74.0 55.5748502994 133% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2281.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 453.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.0353200883 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61343653406 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72938758595 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 218.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.481236203091 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 723.6 705.55239521 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 34.0 22.8473053892 149% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 129.802581096 57.8364921388 224% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 175.461538462 119.503703932 147% => OK
Words per sentence: 34.8461538462 23.324526521 149% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.38461538462 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 1.0 5.15768463074 19% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.189152744321 0.218282227539 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0752285985956 0.0743258471296 101% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0584548550343 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.189152744321 0.128457276422 147% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0628817314937 0% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 19.7 14.3799401198 137% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 36.97 48.3550499002 76% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 16.6 12.197005988 136% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.54 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.02 8.32208582834 108% => OK
difficult_words: 106.0 98.500998004 108% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 12.3882235529 149% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.6 11.1389221557 140% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Minimum four paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.