The following appeared in a letter from the faculty committee to the president of Seatown University:
A study conducted at nearby Oceania University showed that faculty retention is higher when professors are offered free tuition at the university for their own college-aged children. Therefore, Seatown should institute a free-tuition policy for its professors for the purpose of enhancing morale among the faculty and luring new professors.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
(Manhattan Prep Practice Test 2 GRE Argument Essay)
While it may seem that a free-tuition policy at Seatown University ought to enhance morale and lure new professors, the faculty committee does not make a cogent case for this policy institution. In order to better evaluate this argument, additional evidence is needed.
The first problem with the argument lies in the fact that the study in which the argument is based was conducted at a different university than Seatown. It is highly unlikely that a study performed at a different university with myriad differences would have any correlation with Seatown. Performing a study at Seatown University instead of Oceania University would strengthen the evidence given. After all, it is a possibility that the faculty at Seatown do not care about the policy.
Additionally, the conclusion of the argument asserts that a free tuition policy would enhance morale among the existing faculty and lure new professors. However, there is no evidence to support these conclusions. In order to evaluate and strengthen this conclusion, evidence correlating new professors and enhanced morale with the inclusion of a free tuition benefit package would need to be given.
The notion that professors’ college-aged children would want to enroll in Seatown University is not addressed either. In order to fully evaluate the argument, studies supporting that college-aged children of professors would want to go to Seatown University if offered a full-ride scholarship need to be given. Because it is quite possible that college-aged children of professors abhor the idea of enrolling in Seatown University, additional evidence is needed to show the policy’s usefulness. If no one uses the free tuition policy, then it is pointless to implement because professors will disregard it and thus have no effect on morale or enticing new hires.
In conclusion, there are three main pillars of evidence that would need to be established in order to be able to evaluate the argument. First, evidence supporting that faculty retention is higher when given a free tuition for college-aged children benefit package at Seatown University needs to be given. Second, evidence supporting that a free tuition policy would enhance faculty morale and lure new professors needs to be given. Third, evidence supporting the idea that college-aged children of professors would have the desire to enroll at Seatown University when given a full-ride scholarship needs to be given. With this conclusive evidence, the argument begins to become cogent. Without it, the argument is critically unfounded.
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Comments
1. Need to argue correctly.
1. Need to argue correctly. Read some sample GRE essays, and compare to your own ideas to see the differences. Summarize and analyse how other people make arguments.
2. Need more contents for arguments. for example, you just wrote: '...a different university with myriad differences...', so what are those 'myriad differences'? you need to list them out.
flaws:
Issues with conclusion paragraph. Don't need to paraphrase those arguments again.
Conclusion can be simply like this:
Conclusively, it can be said that author needs to provide much more data to corroborate his statement. In the absence of such data, author's suggestion fails to convince the reader and it even appears biased.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 402 350
No. of Characters: 2116 1500
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.478 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.264 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.889 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 165 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 137 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.158 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.7 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.526 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.393 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.586 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5