The following argument was made in a newspaper editorial:
“The autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders; if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered. Because illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country of origin.”
In may be true that autonomy and economy of a country can somewhat be dependent on its borders and that illegal immigrants Although, the author states that " if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered." Without such information, it becomes difficult to consider the feasibility of the statement. It can be stated that autonomy of a country is somewhat determined by its inhabitants but mainly rest in the hands of the authorities running the country and cannot effected by some immigrants, unless they pose threat to the people and authorities of the country.
The author did not mention up to what extend the economy and national identity is endangered. Are the immigrant very few in number and does not burden the country's economy or they very large in number and they consume many resources of the country without paying any tax. Also, are they rebellious in establishing a strong position of their community in the country or some spy of another countries thus, endangering the national identity or they just docile and just want a living and the major cause to immigrate was to find a living. It may happen that these immigrants are enriching the culture of the country and some of them are knowledgeable and experienced enough to work for the government and thus improve the economy.No data is provided to support that immigrants posed such threats in past years. Had the author provided some relevant and reliable data to support his statements then it would have bolstered his argument but because of the dearth of proper evidence and statistics it is difficult to establish the efficacy of the argument.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2016-07-30 | kcdbeck@gmail.com | 54 | view |
| 2016-08-19 | willow321 | 50 | view |
Sentence: However, on looking closely we can easily see that may evidence to support the statement made by the author that illegal immigrants must be sent back to their country are missing.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to may and evidence
Sentence: It can be stated that autonomy of a country is somewhat determined by its inhabitants but mainly rest in the hands of the authorities running the country and cannot effected by some immigrants, unless they pose threat to the people and authorities of the country.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to cannot and effected
Sentence: Also, are they rebellious in establishing a strong position of their community in the country or some spy of another countries thus, endangering the national identity or they just docile and just want a living and the major cause to immigrate was to find a living.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to they and rebellious
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to another and countries
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argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- OK
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flaws:
better to have 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: argument 1
para 3: argument 2
para 4: argument 3
para 5: conclusion
read a sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/autonomy-any-country-based-streng…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 390 350
No. of Characters: 1895 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.444 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.859 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.699 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 151 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.077 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.361 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.521 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.128 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5