1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, please share your story
Dance has shaped my personal and intellectual life in many ways. Dance is a common language that connects me to others who share my enthusiasm for creating it. Furthermore, I learn about my preferences and personality through the pieces that intrigue me. As I expose myself to a wider array of styles and eras, my dance tastes grow more complex. Through dance, I welcome opportunities to expand working as a team as well as identifying me.
When the day of my dancesport competition arrives, I put everything I have learned about dancing every day for many years and show it all to the hundreds of people watching me. No matter how exhausted I am on that dance floor, I may not give up. I need to dance until the very end until the skilled team member I can be.
The most exciting part of the dancesport is the competitions, where I perform my dance with my team members in front of hundreds of people. Going into a dancesport competition is all about training, dancing like one person and girls and boys wear the costume that suitable for dance meaning. Before we can perform, we need to make sure our hair, makeup, and costume look perfect.
Once our dance costumes are ready, it’s time to practice my dance before we go out on the floor. In our team's room, while the coaches play the music, we need to either practice with my partner our dance or stretch. When my team is up next, everyone walks in a single file line, holding hands partners hold hands and head towards the stage. Once we are there, all the dancers hook up and wait. We all wait until the announcers announce "Now dancing is the Magic Dance Team!" That's when all of the team dancers head out onto the middle of the floor. Now the burden is all on us. When the music starts is when we need to begin the dance. It's time to show them, judges, what we have learned about dancing over the years. Let us tell our team motto, "WE ARE MAGIC DANCE, WE CAN DO THAT". The crowd gives us and my team a standing ovation as the music ends. Everyone stands up and walks excitedly back to their team rooms and wait anxiously until it's time for the award ceremony. As soon as all the dancers are called down to the dance hall for the award ceremony, all the dancers from towns all over Mongolian race down to the dance hall to see which teams were good enough to be in the top three best teams. All the dance teams anxiously wait for the announcer to add up the scores for each dance team. Finally, he is ready to announce the winning teams. He stands up and says into the microphone “The team that came in second place is…. Magic dance !!!” Excited outcries suddenly fill the stage. Every dancer from my team is jumping, screaming, and hugging one another. We got second place in the very first junior formation competition. All of the Dance Team is as excited as they would be if they won a ton of money at a competition. The dancers exchange hugs, congratulate each other.
We have to train and push ourselves to be better dancing than last competition . "we have to give we best, to the best" is a quote that the Magic dance Team coaches say to the dancers moments before every competition. Dancesport is teamwork and encouragement for each other in addition to a sport or an art. Now, It is the excitement that I am going to train hard with my team for the next year to become the champion next year.
- 1 Some students have a background identity interest or talent so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it If this sounds like you please share your story 16
- What was the biggest obstacle you faced in your life How did you overcome this 56
- What kind of activity could you do all day forgetting about time and space Why
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 277, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...t, everyone walks in a single file line, holding hands partners hold hands and he...
^^
Line 4, column 485, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: That's
... dancing is the Magic Dance Team!' Thats when all of the team dancers head out o...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 496, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... the Magic Dance Team!' Thats when all of the team dancers head out onto the middle o...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 588, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “When” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...the floor. Now the burden is all on us. When the music starts is when we need to beg...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1656, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: All the
...ery first junior formation competition. All of the Dance Team is as excited as they would ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 79, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
... be better dancing than last competition . 'we have to give we best, to the b...
^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...year to become the champion next year.
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
finally, first, furthermore, if, look, may, second, so, thus, well, while, in addition, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 13.1623246493 175% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 7.85571142285 115% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 10.4138276553 173% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 7.30460921844 219% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 72.0 24.0651302605 299% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 79.0 41.998997996 188% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.3376753507 132% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2785.0 1615.20841683 172% => OK
No of words: 623.0 315.596192385 197% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.47030497592 5.12529762239 87% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.99599519102 4.20363070211 119% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.3977695632 2.80592935109 85% => OK
Unique words: 294.0 176.041082164 167% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.47191011236 0.561755894193 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 860.4 506.74238477 170% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.60771543086 87% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 19.0 5.43587174349 350% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 2.52805611222 119% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.10420841683 333% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 0.809619238477 247% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.76152304609 84% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 35.0 16.0721442886 218% => Too many sentences.
Sentence length: 17.0 20.2975951904 84% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 40.5874616208 49.4020404114 82% => OK
Chars per sentence: 79.5714285714 106.682146367 75% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.8 20.7667163134 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.8 7.06120827912 40% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.38176352705 114% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.01903807615 139% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 19.0 8.67935871743 219% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.9879759519 100% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 3.4128256513 352% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0351771535112 0.244688304435 14% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0114750457166 0.084324248473 14% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0242354569155 0.0667982634062 36% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0253656127614 0.151304729494 17% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.008077704352 0.056905535591 14% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 8.5 13.0946893788 65% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 71.14 50.2224549098 142% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.44779559118 42% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.6 11.3001002004 67% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 8.35 12.4159519038 67% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.99 8.58950901804 81% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 78.4519038076 126% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 9.78957915832 87% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 10.1190380762 87% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.7795591182 83% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 11.2359550562 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 0.67 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.