Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most business people are only motivated by the desire of money. (100626CN=080816NA)
As a proverb goes that "Money can make a ghost work efficiently" . Nowadays, increasingly people are regard money and property as vital things, since they can our lives better and comfortable. Have you ever drive the Ferrari 430 on the highway, have you ever travel around 50 countries by cruise, have you ever enjoy the palatable food from different nations? If you have ever go through these, you can feel how wonderful to be a wealthy people. However, except for money, countless issues such as morality, happiness, and self-actualization and relationship between friend should also be put high value while doing business. Hence, I totally disagree with the idea that most of business people are only motivate by the desire of money.
Admittedly, as Maslow's hierarchy of needs indicates that the physical needs such as money food water are the fundamental needs in daily life. But most of us especially business man whose positions are higher than level of physical needs don't seem money as most significant things. What¡¯s more, morality, happiness and relationship are far more valuable than the low level of money.
First and foremost, morality is the crucial personality for businessman . Since morality is the basic things for the society , it form a rule or a criterion to standardize the behavior of people. This criterion is not only used in business issue , but also adopted in all the position such as lawyers, government and teachers. Moreover, when a businessman is virtuous, the trade and the deal could be achieve by the people because no body is willing to do business with a unmoral person .Whereas, currently, numerous people do trade just for money at sacrifice of morality .For example, the Sanlu milk powder which is a fake product is put into market considerably. As a result, countless children has suffered from this milk powder and got a illness such as fever, weakness in body condition. Thus , the firm who make this fake product has been close and this brand of powder has been disappeared in the marker. Hence, the first quality which a business person should possess is morality. As a result, business man regard the morality as their most motivation for the trade.
Secondly, morality is only part of the explanation for why the money can not be the most important motivation, perhaps the most remarkable issue revolved in the business man is happiness. Let us think the real purpose of business. Money? May be not , what can people with 1 billions dollars do? They mighty buy the most exorbitant luxuries for their lover , they could travel to Dubai and live in the Burj AI Arab Hotel , a well-known seven-stars hotel, they probably invest money into some program to enlarge his possessions. But the real goal for this behavior is to obtain more happiness. If what a business man all want to possess is not money but happiness, why can his crucial motivation be the money? Hence what contributes most to a businessman would not be money .
Thirdly, all the people who have a dream or target want to realize his own self-actualization .The physical needs including money is basic need, more people desire to realize his own value in the long run . For example , Minghong Yu the CEO of The New Orient, don't need to enlarge his assets. What he want to realize is How to help teenagers fulfill their foreign study dream. He made it and today , numerous students who contributes his time to toefl Test could get a splendid education in the New Orient English school. Thus , self-actualization could be other final destination for the businessman .
By and large ,even though the money could be one type of motivation for the merchant , but more critical factors, such as morality, happiness and self actualization , prior to money have been taken in to consideration to judge whether business people are only motivated by the desire of money.
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Sentence: Nowadays, increasingly people are regard money and property as vital things, since they can our lives better and comfortable.
Description: The fragment , increasingly people is rare
since they can our lives better and comfortable.
since they can live better and comfortable.
Sentence: Since morality is the basic things for the society , it form a rule or a criterion to standardize the behavior of people.
Description: The fragment it form a is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace form with verb, past tense
But most of us especially business man whose positions are higher than level of physical needs don't seem money as most significant things.
Suggestion: Can you re-write this sentence?
Sentence: As a result, business man regard the morality as their most motivation for the trade.
Description: The fragment man regard the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace regard with verb, past tense
countless children has suffered from
countless children have suffered from
As a result, business man regard the morality as their most motivation for the trade.
As a result, business men regard the morality as their most motivation for the trade.
The physical needs including money is basic need,
The physical needs including money are basic need,
Minghong Yu the CEO of The New Orient, don't need to enlarge his assets.
Minghong Yu, the CEO of The New Orient, doesn't need to enlarge his assets.
What he want to realize
What he wants to realize
flaws:
No. of Words: 655 350 (write the essay in half an hour)
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 26 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 655 350
No. of Characters: 3117 1500
No. of Different Words: 301 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.059 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.759 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.665 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 201 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 154 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 112 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 61 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.129 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.722 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.677 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.277 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.477 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5