If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
Have you ever considered to change something really important in your life? Is it for getting welfare for you? Think about it and it is probable that you have decided an affirmative answer. As well as you would want to make some changes to life in order to get better, a city deserves to have sometimes some important changes which improve the quality of citizens’ lives and make it more attractive. Personally, I believe that the principal shift that I would do in my hometown would be to change the location of the main park for three reasons that I will explain following.
First and foremost, the principal park is the most representative place in the city. It is the first place that tourists use to visit in order to make an idea how whole town is. For this reason, it has to be attractive and modern. My city has an old-fashioned park as a main park because of this was built a century ago. Although you could think that this could still have the ancient architecture, nothing of those is maintained at present. The main park has not been taken care correctly by authorities. Thus, name another park, which has recently inaugurated and has modern art, as our main park would be beneficial for the tourism of my hometown. I consider that this new place will lure more visitings.
Secondly, several folk festivals are usually celebrated in the main park. Why is wrong with that? Garbage. After the end of any festival, a lot of trash is left in the park and stays there for long time. The mayor does not care this issue, but this involves the image that tourist will have of the city as well as is prejudicial for the citizens. The problem is that the main park is not located in the center of the city and it is far from it. Thus the garbage men do not usually consider it as a priority and they delay the collect of the garbage. However, if the park would be set up nearer to the center of the city, the dust would be collected faster and this would not contaminate our environment.
Last but not least, because of the location of the main park is far from the center, nearer zones are inhabited by danger people. This park received the name of main park much time ago and it continue having it just by tradition. Even though the authorities know the problem of robberies, principally to visitors, which happen in nearer zones; they just try to control this situation and not effectively. Nevertheless, if we rename as main park to most secure park of the many parks which there are in my city, the problem would be resolved because the new people which arrive them would go to the new location.
In a nutshell, by considering all these reasons, we can reach the conclusion that a change of location of the central park would bring about many more benefits as attracting more visitors, reducing the pollution of city and lowering the thefts which happen near to the actual main park.
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Sentence: The mayor does not care this issue, but this involves the image that tourist will have of the city as well as is prejudicial for the citizens.
Description: The tag a verb 'to have', uninflected present tense, infinitive or is not usually followed by of
Suggestion: Refer to have and of
Sentence: This park received the name of main park much time ago and it continue having it just by tradition.
Description: The fragment it continue having is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace continue with verb, past tense
flaws:
No. of Words: 523 350 (write the essay in half an hour. around 350 words are enough)
Some sentences need to be polished.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 26 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 523 350
No. of Characters: 2314 1500
No. of Different Words: 230 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.782 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.424 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.394 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.115 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.984 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.462 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.285 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.463 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5