Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Essay topics:

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Nowadays smartphones are one of the most important things we all have and even somehow live with them. When we count the hours we spend using smartphones, we notice how much important effect they have in our lives. Some parents think it is good for children to have smartphones, while, others disagree. If you ask my opinion, I would like to say that, my conviction is smartphones are not really good and we must forbid children from owning and using them. I would like to elaborate my opinion with following reasons. firstly, smartphones make lots of waste in our time. Not only children, but also adults spend so much of their time using smartphones and surfing in the internet, which leads to a huge amount of wasting of our preciouse time. For instance, when I was in high school, I used to play games with my phone a lot and, consequently I could not study well and failed in some of my exams. That was the time when my mother forbiden me from using my phone and just after some weeks my scores increased again and I was really amazed of how much my phone had influence on my studying. This is one of the main reasons for holding this opinion that, parents must forbid their children from owning smartphones. secondly, smartphones jepredize people's health. children by satring at their smartphones all day long, will make their eyes really week and, this is a noteable disadvantage of smartphones and also, a reasons why we must forbid children from using smartphones. As an example, last year when i was in my chemistry class, I suddenly realized I cannot see the board well and when I went to our family doctor, he said your vision is not in a good situation and if you continue using your phone very much you must wear glasses. Before this problem, I did not know how much technology may be dangerous and I just decided not to use my smartphone or even computer very much. I really do not want to make my eyes weaker than what they are currently and, I am sure other people agree with me in this regard. So, we must forbid children from owning smartphones and help them to stay health for a long time. To cut the long story short, all I want to say is that, technology must be used in a way which helps us to gain something important or help us to improve our health; but, overusing of smartphones, will make lots of health problems and waste lots of our time. Besides presented justifications, parents by paying too much for buying a brand new smatphones for their children, make a huge waste of money and it will make children thirsty to ask for more and more. That is why, I believe, parents must forbid children from owning and using smartphones.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
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Independent TOEFL Writing

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 519, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Firstly
...rate my opinion with following reasons. firstly, smartphones make lots of waste in our ...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 1215, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Secondly
...their children from owning smartphones. secondly, smartphones jepredize peoples health. ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 1263, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Children
..., smartphones jepredize peoples health. children by satring at their smartphones all day...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 1505, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...rtphones. As an example, last year when i was in my chemistry class, I suddenly r...
^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, consequently, first, firstly, if, may, really, second, secondly, so, well, while, even so, for instance

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 15.1003584229 106% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 9.8082437276 153% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 13.8261648746 159% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 11.0286738351 109% => OK
Pronoun: 74.0 43.0788530466 172% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 56.0 52.1666666667 107% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2176.0 1977.66487455 110% => OK
No of words: 483.0 407.700716846 118% => OK
Chars per words: 4.50517598344 4.8611393121 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68799114503 4.48103885553 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.52635674147 2.67179642975 95% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 212.727598566 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.461697722567 0.524837075471 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 664.2 618.680645161 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 16.0 9.59856630824 167% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 62.5261828813 48.9658058833 128% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.526315789 100.406767564 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.4210526316 20.6045352989 123% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.47368421053 5.45110844103 119% => OK
Paragraphs: 1.0 4.53405017921 22% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.5376344086 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 3.85842293907 259% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.201139527349 0.236089414692 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0762172717 0.076458572812 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0584763214841 0.0737576698707 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.201139527349 0.150856017488 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0645574589148 0% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 11.7677419355 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 63.02 58.1214874552 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 10.1575268817 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.17 10.9000537634 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.16 8.01818996416 89% => OK
difficult_words: 70.0 86.8835125448 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 10.002688172 75% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Minimum four paragraphs wanted.

Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.