A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
The argument about making association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms is a very simplistic view. Lack of strong evidence and statistical numbers to prove this acclaim is one of main weak points of this argument. The author could bring more witness about this assumption in order to convince the readers about the correlation between these variables.
The author does not consider other certain factors when he or she wants to render his argument because he or she generalizes the result of one recent study to other businesses. The writer could explain whether this recent study is reliable or not since by rating only 300 male and female without considering other factors, the results could not be persuasive. Maybe, the success of the firms was due to specific factors that were be omitted by researcher.
The other weak point of this argument is that rendering certain number like 6 hours for sleeping per night without bringing strong evidence why this number is appropriate. It is more likely that higher profit margins and faster growth of advertising firms had other reasons like setting reasonable goals and having brilliant workers. The author could support the argument with rendering statistic numbers that were related to consider the impact of other factors on the success of advertising firms in comparison with the amount of sleep of the executives on that. Moreover, the author could take key factors into account that have significant impact on increasing the profit margins of the firms and do not have any relation with the amount of sleep of executives.
The author also failed in his or her conclusion because of using weak results and generalizing the weak results for all business. The author could consider other key factors in order to render the conclusion and avoid developing the results of mentioned study for other business. Maybe this assumption about hiring people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night was for only the advertising firms.
In conclusion, the argument brings weak evidence without strong support while the writer could render persuasive document in order to convince the readers. The author does not pay attention to other key factors about investigating the main reasons that have important role on the success of advertising firms.
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flaws:
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Sentence Length SD: 5.438 7.5
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 384 350
No. of Characters: 1930 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.427 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.026 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.496 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 61 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.438 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.2 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.381 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.607 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.096 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5