Do you agree or disagree with the statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important for the young people than they
are to the older people.
Saying, “Do you know this entertainer?” many people get so excited and want to share their feeling of how much they like the entertainer or athlete. There is no doubt that the celebrities are important to many people nowadays. However, I believe that they play important rule in teenagers but they have nothing to do with old people.
To begin with, teenagers have less experience; therefore, they easily admire famous entertainers and athletes and believe in them as a model or prototype of their lives. Mostly, teenagers follow every step and sometime they imitate the behavior of the entertainers and athletes. Therefore, those famous people play a crucial rule on the teenagers’ life. For example, there was a news of group suicidal tendencies of Japanese teenagers fifteen years ago. Many Japanese teenagers committed suicide after one of famous Japanese singers passed away. They wrote letters that they favored the superstar and wanted to be like him. This example clearly supports that the celebrities affect on the teenagers significantly.
In contrast, unlike teenagers, old people have less attention on the celebrities. The old people have high responsibility on themselves and people that they have to take care of. Therefore, it is less likely that they are able to focus on the superstars or athletes spontaneously. Give myself for instance. When I was teenager, I liked the remarkable tennis player, Paladon. His performance and his appearance were good; needless to say, a lot of young people including myself loved him. However, currently, because of being adulterate, I have a lot of things that I have to concern. I do not care about Paladon or other superstars as much as I did when I was teenager.
To sum up, because of lacking of experience, the teenagers are easily to get seduced by several excited objects, especially the celebrities. Therefore we, as adults, should guide them to the right direction by show them which celebrity can be a good model for them and protect them from following the bad behavior of their favorite models.
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Sentence: Therefore we, as adults, should guide them to the right direction by show them which celebrity can be a good model for them and protect them from following the bad behavior of their favorite models.
Description: A preposition is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to by and show
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 340 350
No. of Characters: 1671 1500
No. of Different Words: 182 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.294 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.915 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.715 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 123 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.565 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.305 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5