You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Dozens century ago, money already as exchange tool to get something and money certainly had value which each value has several amount. Value is currency that made money made difference between them. With using money humans can buy anything which they want and need such as house, stuff, vehicle and jewelry as immediately according how much money that they have. I put it in one condition, If i received windfall in form of money, I will use that to buy some tickets and I want to attend my favorite foreign band concert a couple of months later.
Getting sudden money as a gift always makes me smile out and speechless happily. I directly thinking about what will I do with that money, there are plenty choice which can also encourage myself into indecisive moment with what I shall do next. But, I am not irresolute man, I just must make sure that I take the right decision for using the money and I never will regret it. Personally, I am keen on to get some tickets of one of superb famous bands in the whole world which the band wants to perform at downtown in effort promote their new albums. Why I could be made the decision quickly?, it caused the band is my favorite music artist which I started love their music on Senior High School and this thing granted one of my list dreams too. The music artist which name 30 Second to Mars is an American rock band from Los Angeles, California. They were achieved worldwide fame with the release of their second album (Beautiful Lie), approximately in 2005.
On the other hand, attending 30 Second to Mars World Tour Concert that is rare happening. Probably, just occur once in my life. It was because The Band Team Crew must be wise to choose which countries that they consider reasonable to hold their world tour. So, what relate with in my country?, recently weeks, there are some issues about instability economy and security state in my nation, these thing absolutely have effect for the team crew to make final decision in country list their world tour. But in fact, that problems did not make them want canceled it. Moreover, the team crew of Thirty Second To Mars include my country as their country list World Tour. I am grateful about that news, and surely I will invite my best friends or my couple to accompany me and enjoy the concert two months next.
Lastly, the concert certainly will be insane and make me sophisticated. There is no doubt that is going to incredible concert ever, so many music enthusiasts waiting this concert. I am sure hundreds of thousands tickets will be sold, even though I never know how much the price for each kinds of sale ticket.
In nutshell, I am already realize to make right decision in effort to use the money for buying tickets and to attend the concert, which are have much experience if I visiting the 30 Second to Mars show as great moments during my life.
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Sentence: So, what relate with in my country?, recently weeks, there are some issues about instability economy and security state in my nation, these thing absolutely have effect for the team crew to make final decision in country list their world tour.
Description: The tag a preposition is not usually followed by in
Suggestion: Refer to with and in
Description: The fragment , recently weeks is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace recently with adjective
I am already realize
I am already to realize
flaws:
No. of Words: 514 350
Less content. Need to polish sentences.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 514 350
No. of Characters: 2290 1500
No. of Different Words: 271 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.761 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.455 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.234 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.364 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.187 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.591 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.311 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.509 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5