The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
In the proposal the author lists the remarkable feats that was supposedly achieved by mr. schade during the last five years as a music director. While these achievements as indeed praiseworthy, their correlation to mr. schade's ability should to be questioned and the author's suggestion of hiring him at Saluda school system further reviewed before decisions are taken.
In the author's eyes the first proof of mr. schade's competence is the awards won by the school band of steel city high. but this could also be attributed to a number of other factors including artistic local culture and high student quality. A comparison of mr. schade's tenure with his predecessors' is also lacking. As such, we have no means of knowing whether this particular school band is outperforming, maintaining or even falling from its previous standards. To boost the credibility of this proof, the author could include an account of steel city high's school band's past record, and show it is indeed for mr. schade's efforts and not other reasons that the band won all its awards.
As for the significant improvements in musical facilities at steel city high, the role mr. schade played here is also dubious. it is highly unlikely that he could have funded these projects himself. Therefore at best he could be credited for lobbying donners for their support, and at worst maybe he did not even participated in these matters. And even if he was indeed the main force behind these improvements, it is still questionable if he could repeat his success at saluba school system. donners he could reach may favor other investments and donations this time, and could also find it difficult to fund similar projects at such a short time interval.
last but not least, a brilliant and successful music teacher may simply not be the person saluba school systems need at the moment. A local school system only has a limited resource, and giving it to music may not be the best course of action. other spending could be more beneficial to the community, such as raising salaries for local teachers and improve the quality of STEM education. even within the liberal arts there could be choices to spend the council's precious money: some Latin or Greek teachers may be more welcomed by parents than a fancy music hall and a band.
To sum up, the proposal failed to establish a connection between steel city high band's success with mr. schade's efforts and capacity, and also did not take into account of the practical needs by saluba school systems. Without further evidence, it is then fair to say, this proposal is not sound enough to be taken too seriously.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2019-10-10 | echoingdowns | 82 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 448 350
No. of Characters: 2140 1500
No. of Different Words: 229 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.601 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.777 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.525 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 155 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 34.462 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.75 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.769 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.657 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.178 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 268, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ability should to be questioned and the authors suggestion of hiring him at Saluda scho...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...viewed before decisions are taken. In the authors eyes the first proof of m...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 120, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: But
... by the school band of steel city high. but this could also be attributed to a numb...
^^^
Line 13, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... that the band won all its awards. As for the significant improvements in m...
^^^^^^^
Line 17, column 128, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...mr. schade played here is also dubious. it is highly unlikely that he could have f...
^^
Line 17, column 200, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...uld have funded these projects himself. Therefore at best he could be credited for lobbyi...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 17, column 314, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[3]
Message: The verb 'did' requires base form of the verb: 'participate'
Suggestion: participate
...ort, and at worst maybe he did not even participated in these matters. And even if he was in...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 17, column 494, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Donners
...at his success at saluba school system. donners he could reach may favor other investme...
^^^^^^^
Line 21, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...cts at such a short time interval. last but not least, a brilliant and succ...
^^^^^^^
Line 25, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Last
...such a short time interval. last but not least, a brilliant and successf...
^^^^
Line 25, column 245, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Other
...c may not be the best course of action. other spending could be more beneficial to th...
^^^^^
Line 25, column 390, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Even
... improve the quality of STEM education. even within the liberal arts there could be ...
^^^^
Line 29, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...han a fancy music hall and a band. To sum up, the proposal failed to establ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, so, still, then, therefore, while, as for, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 11.1786427146 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 3.0 13.6137724551 22% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2225.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 448.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.96651785714 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.60065326758 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56451261027 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 236.0 204.123752495 116% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.526785714286 0.468620217663 112% => OK
syllable_count: 656.1 705.55239521 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.8445253139 57.8364921388 76% => OK
Chars per sentence: 89.0 119.503703932 74% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.92 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.52 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 13.0 5.25449101796 247% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.20758483034 195% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.309746222025 0.218282227539 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0930061229921 0.0743258471296 125% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0886959696379 0.0701772020484 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.171305965599 0.128457276422 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0636287068135 0.0628817314937 101% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.9 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.3550499002 130% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.25 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.36 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 98.500998004 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 12.3882235529 57% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.