The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.
"Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire, because it has spectacular natural beauty and a consistent climate. Another advantage is that housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Moreover, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. And best of all, retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
The argument that encouraged people to choose a quiet place to retire for the benefits of economy and health may seem logical at first glance. The author makes a valid argument, one that would be correct if its premises were true. However, his conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence, and it uses terms that lack definition.
First, the writer assumes that a clearview place represents natural beauty and suitable environment. In fact, there is not a concrete connection among them. For example, a natural beautiful place may include a beautiful lake, a spectacular mountain, and a wilderness area where elderly can enjoy fresh air and quiet while a clearview place has nothing around it. Furthermore, the author assumes that people want to live in quiet place after they retire. Indeed, many of whom prefer to live in big cities where the public transportations, restaurants, and other services are very convenient, and their families and their friends live near them.
Additionally, the writer provides no evidence that housing costs in clearview place have decreased. In order to convince customers, he should give the specific statistic of how many percent of housing costs were reduced, and the rate of the decrease to compare with others places.Moreover, which programs will benefit to elderly should be showed from many new programs that clearview’s mayor promises. In some cases, improving school systems and public services advantage to young people than old people because retirees often spent a lot of time at home, and they pay more attention for health care systems and their pensions. The assumption is that if the number of doctors in this place is greater than others, there is not anybody can trust that the quality of health care systems in clearview place is better than others without some evidences.
In conclusion, the writer would not necessarily be wrong to assert that clearview place brings many advantage for retirees. But to support his conclusion, the writer must first define the clearview place more clearly and submit more conclusive evidence that housing costs, health care systems, and public services are suitable for retirees.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 356 350
No. of Characters: 1796 1500
No. of Different Words: 188 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.344 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.045 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.491 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.429 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.394 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.562 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5