The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
This is the piece of recommendation from the board of directors of Monarch Books. This put light upon the fact that as per the most recent national census, because the percentage of population under the ten has significantly declined, the discontinuation of the children's book section can make up a space for cafe. This establishment of cafe would prove beneficial from Monarch Books to compete with the recently opened Regal Books. This text has too many assumptions and so there are many vague statement and comparisions put forward in order to pursuade the reader to believe in the decision made by the directors of Monarch Books. For clarifications and acceptance of this directors must foster their argument with germane evidences.
How can the competition be done with newly opened Regal Books? As per the data, it is true that Monarch is old and situated in the same location from past twenty years, then already it has set the customers with its books and is popular for its wide collection of books. Then how can the recently opened Regal would affect its popularity and bussiness? Obviously public will rely more on the old store. Furthermore, it is suggested that this competition will be more safe for the Monarch if they began the cafe along with book store. This assumption that people will be attracted to cafe as they like they wide range store of the books present in the Monarch. Not necessary that customers that prefer to read will also spend time wasting in cafeteria.
Secondly, the assumption that children less than ten are declined in the census, so the books for the children section can't be demand. There could be the possibility that national population of children below ten has gone down, but children in that locality may still require the books to read. Or the parents may purshase they gift for their relatives' child as a book which surely undermine the statement that discontinuing the children section will a good idea for using that space for cafeteria development.
Lastly as it is clearly seen that the directors of Monarch Books have not provided any sort of statistic about the decline in the population under the age ten, So we can't merely support the argument. Thus, this argument is full of holes without specific evidences, so lacks the acceptance and begets the failure.
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Sentence: For clarifications and acceptance of this directors must foster their argument with germane evidences.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and directors
Sentence: This assumption that people will be attracted to cafe as they like they wide range store of the books present in the Monarch.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to they and wide
Sentence: This text has too many assumptions and so there are many vague statement and comparisions put forward in order to pursuade the reader to believe in the decision made by the directors of Monarch Books.
Error: comparisions Suggestion: comparisons
Error: pursuade Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Then how can the recently opened Regal would affect its popularity and bussiness?
Error: bussiness Suggestion: business
Sentence: Or the parents may purshase they gift for their relatives' child as a book which surely undermine the statement that discontinuing the children section will a good idea for using that space for cafeteria development.
Error: purshase Suggestion: purchase
flaws:
argument 1 -- not OK. Don't refer something new like 'Obviously public will rely more on the old store'
argument 2 -- OK
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 393 350
No. of Characters: 1897 1500
No. of Different Words: 195 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.452 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.827 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.604 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 114 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.118 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.099 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.317 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.513 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.07 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5