Some say that because many people are living much longer the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably To what extend to you agree or disagree

Retirement age is said to should be much longer because longevity among people has increased dramatically. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this because it has adverse effect on effectiveness of work and allowing people to retire late may be detrimental for the young.
Although people are living much longer, the health of old employees not as good as the young. Because after 60-years-old many people prone to different health issues. In addition, many companies and organizations do not want recruitment old people. The young workforce do their job better than olds despite they have a huge experience. For example, old teachers cannot teach so good as they used to be in the past. Thus, old employees ought to be allowed to retire early. Because they should not work forever. They also should spend more time for their families and friends.
Apart from the reason expressed above, increasing the age that people retire from work cause growing unemployment rate among applicants. For example, in my country although the retirement age is 60-years-old for men, it is so difficult that they can not apply to their wanted companies due to huge amount of workers.
In conclusion, it is true that the average age of people in recent years has significantly been high. However, in my opinion, it does not mean that retirement age should be raised.

Votes
Average: 6.7 (2 votes)
Essay Categories
IELTS Writing Task I - IELTS Academic
Essays by the user:

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 94, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...old employees not as good as the young. Because after 60-years-old many people prone to...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 472, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...es ought to be allowed to retire early. Because they should not work forever. They also...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, may, so, thus, apart from, for example, in addition, in conclusion, in my opinion, it is true

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 7.0 157% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 1.00243902439 798% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 3.0 6.8 44% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 4.0 3.15609756098 127% => OK
Pronoun: 21.0 5.60731707317 375% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 29.0 33.7804878049 86% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 3.97073170732 176% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1135.0 965.302439024 118% => OK
No of words: 226.0 196.424390244 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.02212389381 4.92477711251 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.87727950738 3.73543355544 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.74981043637 2.65546596893 104% => OK
Unique words: 127.0 106.607317073 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.561946902655 0.547539520022 103% => OK
syllable_count: 348.3 283.868780488 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.45097560976 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 1.53170731707 326% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 4.33902439024 46% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 1.07073170732 280% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 0.482926829268 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 3.36585365854 178% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 8.94146341463 157% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.4926829268 71% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 39.4149174081 43.030603864 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 81.0714285714 112.824112599 72% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.1428571429 22.9334400587 70% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.0 5.23603664747 153% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 3.83414634146 104% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 1.69756097561 118% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 3.70975609756 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 1.13902439024 439% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.09268292683 98% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.307889167444 0.215688989381 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.118238216138 0.103423049105 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0877607283616 0.0843802449381 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.204895642875 0.15604864568 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0688855277665 0.0819641961636 84% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.3 13.2329268293 78% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 61.2550243902 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.51609756098 48% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 10.3012195122 82% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.54 11.4140731707 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.13 8.06136585366 101% => OK
difficult_words: 53.0 40.7170731707 130% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 11.4329268293 74% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.9970731707 76% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.0658536585 81% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 67.4157303371 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.0 Out of 9
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 94, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...old employees not as good as the young. Because after 60-years-old many people prone to...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 472, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...es ought to be allowed to retire early. Because they should not work forever. They also...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, may, so, thus, apart from, for example, in addition, in conclusion, in my opinion, it is true

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 7.0 157% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 1.00243902439 798% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 3.0 6.8 44% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 4.0 3.15609756098 127% => OK
Pronoun: 21.0 5.60731707317 375% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 29.0 33.7804878049 86% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 3.97073170732 176% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1135.0 965.302439024 118% => OK
No of words: 226.0 196.424390244 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.02212389381 4.92477711251 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.87727950738 3.73543355544 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.74981043637 2.65546596893 104% => OK
Unique words: 127.0 106.607317073 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.561946902655 0.547539520022 103% => OK
syllable_count: 348.3 283.868780488 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.45097560976 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 1.53170731707 326% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 4.33902439024 46% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 1.07073170732 280% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 0.482926829268 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 3.36585365854 178% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 8.94146341463 157% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.4926829268 71% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 39.4149174081 43.030603864 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 81.0714285714 112.824112599 72% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.1428571429 22.9334400587 70% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.0 5.23603664747 153% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 3.83414634146 104% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 1.69756097561 118% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 3.70975609756 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 1.13902439024 439% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.09268292683 98% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.307889167444 0.215688989381 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.118238216138 0.103423049105 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0877607283616 0.0843802449381 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.204895642875 0.15604864568 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0688855277665 0.0819641961636 84% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.3 13.2329268293 78% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 61.2550243902 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.51609756098 48% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 10.3012195122 82% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.54 11.4140731707 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.13 8.06136585366 101% => OK
difficult_words: 53.0 40.7170731707 130% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 11.4329268293 74% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.9970731707 76% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.0658536585 81% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 67.4157303371 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.0 Out of 9
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.