The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In an application for small-business loan, the author concludes that jazz music is extremely popular in Monroe and hence, the proposed C-Note jazz music club would be a highly profitable business. While this might prove true, the author needs to provide three pieces of additional evidence in order to bolster the assertion’s credibility.
First of all, the author mentions that the new jazz music club will be as successful as the nearest jazz music club at 65 miles currently. However, this might not be a case. Perhaps maintaining the quality of C-Note club same as the current nearest club is difficult. In addition, it might be case that the citizens of Monroe receives memberships and discounted price at the 65 mile club and hence, people enjoys going to this club. If the aforementioned cases turn out to be true, then the author’s evaluation is considerably hampered.
Moreover, the author assumes that jazz music is popular because of last year’s success of annual jazz festive, highly rated jazz radio program and several well-known jazz musicians living in Monroe. However, this might not be true. For example, the popular jazz musicians may have contracts with the jazz clubs, so it might not be possible to musicians to join the proposed C-Note club. Additionally, it is possible that the major attendees of the annual jazz music festival were immigrants and very small percent of Monroe’s citizen attended this event last summer. If either of these scenarios hold true, then the author’s contention will be weakened.
Finally, the author presumes that the nationwide study was conducted in a scientific manner. Perhaps the nationwide study is conducted in affluent areas where the jazz music clubs might be costly. Also, the study conducted on national scale may not be valid for Monroe as the cost of clubs can be different at different places. As a result, if either of these cases hold true then the author’s assumption does not hold water.
In conclusion, the author may be correct in predicting that new club will be a highly profitable business in Monroe. However, as it stands now, the prediction rests on three unwarranted assumptions that dramatically hinder its validity. If the author would like to increase the persuasiveness of his conclusion, he needs to answer the three questions above.
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Comments
Essay evaluations by e-grader
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 234, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'current the nearest'.
Suggestion: current the nearest
... the quality of C-Note club same as the current nearest club is difficult. In addition, it migh...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 70, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a scientific manner" with adverb for "scientific"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...that the nationwide study was conducted in a scientific manner. Perhaps the nationwide study is conduc...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, hence, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, well, while, for example, in addition, in conclusion, as a result, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1962.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 382.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.13612565445 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.42095241839 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78410494984 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 183.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.479057591623 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 586.8 705.55239521 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.0453757069 57.8364921388 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.263157895 119.503703932 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1052631579 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.68421052632 5.70786347227 135% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.360494646564 0.218282227539 165% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.114586932567 0.0743258471296 154% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.112388414893 0.0701772020484 160% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.215378469524 0.128457276422 168% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0847226545167 0.0628817314937 135% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.53 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.43 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 234, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'current the nearest'.
Suggestion: current the nearest
... the quality of C-Note club same as the current nearest club is difficult. In addition, it migh...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 70, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a scientific manner" with adverb for "scientific"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...that the nationwide study was conducted in a scientific manner. Perhaps the nationwide study is conduc...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, hence, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, well, while, for example, in addition, in conclusion, as a result, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1962.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 382.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.13612565445 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.42095241839 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78410494984 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 183.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.479057591623 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 586.8 705.55239521 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 45.0453757069 57.8364921388 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.263157895 119.503703932 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1052631579 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.68421052632 5.70786347227 135% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.360494646564 0.218282227539 165% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.114586932567 0.0743258471296 154% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.112388414893 0.0701772020484 160% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.215378469524 0.128457276422 168% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0847226545167 0.0628817314937 135% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.53 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.43 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.