The extended family is less important now than it was in the past

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The extended family is less important now than it was in the past.

From my point of view, nowadays the extended family is less important than before. Although in the past most of the family was extended and they have good link between the family members, nowadays based on the life style and its standards, it loses its value. Three reasons persuade me to put forward this viewpoint. First of the all, the size of the family is decreased, most of people are busy, and finally they live far away indeed it is difficult to communicate with each other.

First of all, according to the today`s life styles and standards most of the female are working, in this case...

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it loses its value.
Description: 'it' refers to what? Be sensitive to use 'it'.

has one child, who grow up lonely and his or her parent are
has one child, who grows up lonely and his or her parents are

Sentence: First of the all, the size of the family is decreased, most of people are busy, and finally they live far away indeed it is difficult to communicate with each other.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, pre-quantifier
Suggestion: Refer to the and all

Sentence: In this situation, they do not have any uncle or aunt or cousin, or as they are busy by their own jobs and aims, they become parents at old ages, which on that time they miss their own parents; thus, a kid cannot visits her or his grandparents.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to cannot and visits

Sentence: Finally, according to todays globalization people immigrates from their hometown to other countries to bask their benefits and facilities, this situation makes the family member to be far apart.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to todays and globalization

people immigrates from their hometown
people immigrate from their hometown

for long period.
for a long period.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2

Read a good grammar book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 373 350
No. of Characters: 1697 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.395 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.55 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.296 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.312 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.179 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.12 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5