The diagram below shows how the leather goods are produced
The diagram illustrates the concept of manufacturing some kind of leather goods. Overall, the concept can be divided up to 3 main stages, for instance: preparing a raw material, processing a ready-for-used skin and assembling process.
Firstly, the essential material of leather goods is animal skin. The skin must be dried out before entering manufacturing process in which it involves 5 subsequent processes, such as: washing, soaking with lime, flattening, soaking with tannin and polishing processes.
Secondly, in the ready-for-used-skin process, the skin ought to be washed by the two basic liquids, water and lime, and subsequently it is soaked into a solvent lime. The result later on will be flattened and be put into a container that consists of different mixtures, such as: water and vegetable matter. After a period of time of the soaking process, the skin will eventually be polished and assembled into some kind of leather goods, for example: shoes, handbag and ball.
To sum up, in order to produce the leader goods, there are three important steps in which the second stage takes much longer than others.
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Comments
The picture graph reflects…
The picture graph reflects the information of making process of leather goods.it is involved in a process of eleven steps from drying Animal skin to get various final leather products
To begin with, firstly animal skin is fired out under the sunshine. Then the animal skin is move to the factory through the trucks.Afterwards it is washed with water and lime. Similarly the texture is soaked with lime in the next step before soaking the skin is flattened through a machine
In addition the material is polished by a polishing equipment.furthermore it is moved to factory by trucks to get finalized various leather products such as footwear, leather bags,and ball's.
Thanks sir for your comment.
Thanks sir for your comment. Is it too significant to reduce the band for the flaw as you mentioned , so I just got 5 out of 9? Based on the attribute value ideal, I've got no grammatical error and I know your sample is much better than mine. As I read form someone's blog, the most important is to keep our essay simple, having a clear idea and no grammatical error, instead of making complex structure of grammar that sometimes causes flaws on grammatical point.
Can you give me which significant error that reduces the band as we refer to Band Descriptors of IELTS and please explain me why this flaw is too significant, therefore, I wouldn't make similar mistakes in my real exam. Thanks
The problem of this essay is
The problem of this essay is that you should develop the process step by step like the sample one, you can't separate the steps by 'first, second' even though there are no grammar errors.
In testbig site, the e-rater will check out your grammar and language, but human grader will double check the task achievement: whether you have written the essay right on the topic, or write it logically, or properly. This essay got a low mark because it doesn't reach the task achievement.
From this essay, we can understand you make the essay writing complicated. Think about it, you only have 20 minutes for this essay in the IELTS test room, the easiest way is to develop the essay in the simplest way, while you made it difficult.
flaws:
Why you separate the process into 'first...', 'second...'?
read a good sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-i-essays/diagram-below-show-h…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 183 200
No. of Characters: 905 1000
No. of Different Words: 109 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.678 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.945 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.763 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 66 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 53 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.219 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.424 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.708 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.068 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4