Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

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Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.

Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Submitted by Ayush on Wed, 05/13/2015 - 23:47

The claim emphasises the need for governments financial support to major cities, in order to preserve the cultural traditions of the past. However I believe, that the goverment may not be justified in doing so because, cities today are sometimes an amalgam of cultures where no unifying cultural traditions seem to exist; also most of our cultural heritage is born in villages and finally the cultural traditions may not necessarily need government's financial support in order to survive.

The claim that governments must support the city's needs financially is based on the assumption that it is the cities that nurture a nation's cultural traditions. However, this assumption is sound because in most of the world nations major cities like New York, London, Dubai etc. we find that the majority of population arrives in these cities with aims of employment. In Dubai for example, one of the biggest hubs of middle east and south east asia today, there is a really high percentage of Indian and Nepalese immigrant population for menial jobs. Therefore, what most of these major cities, represent is an amalgam of cultural identities. There are rarely any unifying cultral traditions that these cities have, or can preserve. Hence, supporting these cities financially for preserving traditions that is rarely evident is unfounded.

Moreover, in most countries, the traditions were historically born from the practices and cultural traditions of native people. In India, the villages are where you can observe the cultural identities clearly. Even within the country, the traditions are different as you move from North to South. The people may dress in Dhoti's in the South but trousers in the North. But if we go to cities, we find that sartorial traditions are deliberately left out, in order to adhere to the employment norms of the offices. In same vein, surely you can't expect Scottish kilts in London ! It is because these cultural traditions are generally adhered to, in rustic surroundings away from the hustle and bustle of urbane cities where people go to find employment and a different way of life. Hence, in order to preserve the cultural traditions, I will argue that the governments should divert these financial resources to villages and small towns where the cultrual traditions actually originate.

However, the claim may be right in certain specific cases. For example, some cities have been known for specific traditions in the modern sense. The Jazz music if we look back into hsitory, started after confluence of Western and Afro American music in the now big city of New Orleans. This cultural heritage has been maintained even today and is fairly evident in the annual Jazz festivals that colour the city with great music. In this case a tradition was born in the city and government may be right in its financing of the city to preserve a cultural heritage that truely belongs to the city.

But, even in this case, the art didn't arrive in the city by government financing in the first place. The art found its way and the small bar music turned into a Musical Jazz movement that we know today. Hence, the art must be allowed to find its place by competing in the free market and by finding its rightful audience. If the art form is good enough, surely it will find a large enough audience to be performed to. Otherwise, the art form will suffer its rightful death. Hence, government financing specifically to preserve cultural traditions may not be prudent because the art throughout our history has survived on its own. This is the way best of the art forms have survived even today and will continue to do so in future as well.

In conclusion, a government's financial intervention may be necessary to ensure that cultural traditions find means to promote themselves, but its not a pre requisite for the culture traditions to survive. In most cases, it is the villages and rustic areas of countries that truely preserve a country's cultural traditions, and hence goverment may be justified in suitable financing the smaller towns and villages in order to preserve the cultural traditions.

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Sentence: However I believe, that the goverment may not be justified in doing so because, cities today are sometimes an amalgam of cultures where no unifying cultural traditions seem to exist; also most of our cultural heritage is born in villages and finally the cultural traditions may not necessarily need government's financial support in order to survive.
Error: goverment Suggestion: government

Sentence: There are rarely any unifying cultral traditions that these cities have, or can preserve.
Error: cultral Suggestion: cultural

Sentence: Hence, in order to preserve the cultural traditions, I will argue that the governments should divert these financial resources to villages and small towns where the cultrual traditions actually originate.
Error: cultrual Suggestion: cultural

Sentence: The Jazz music if we look back into hsitory, started after confluence of Western and Afro American music in the now big city of New Orleans.
Error: hsitory Suggestion: history

Sentence: In this case a tradition was born in the city and government may be right in its financing of the city to preserve a cultural heritage that truely belongs to the city.
Error: truely Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: In most cases, it is the villages and rustic areas of countries that truely preserve a country's cultural traditions, and hence goverment may be justified in suitable financing the smaller towns and villages in order to preserve the cultural
Error: goverment Suggestion: government
Error: truely Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Words: 687 350 //Write the essay in 30 minutes.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 687 350
No. of Characters: 3361 1500
No. of Different Words: 279 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.12 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.892 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.639 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 237 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 186 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 141 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 87 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.14 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.296 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.156 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5

Well if you read more carefully, I don't support the claim in first 2 paragraphs, and then offer an example where I "may be" wrong in my argument. But if you read on I clearly mention that my argument is still valid. I don't claim to be an expert on writing, but GRE essays are judged on the basis of writers' nuanced understanding of the prompt. If you don't mention where your argument could fall apart you are not demonstrating your understanding of the prompt. I used this technique in my actual GRE, thankfully contrary to what you claim i scored a 5.5.

Congratulations for the score 5.5 in GRE. The score matches well to your performance in testbig site. But most of the flaws from testbig e-rate are No. of Words, like this one: No. of Words: 687 350

We would like to know how many words you actually put in the GRE test room? We understand it is almost not possible to put 687 words in half an hour.

Thank you.

Thanks for your comments. The essay that I put in testbig.com were all during my practice tests. These were all timed to 30 mins. I am fast typer and generally manage to write well. However I could not generally check my essays very well within the time. Thats the reason for my spelling mistakes that erater finds in my submissions. However, I assure you I was consistently writing 600-700 word essays in 30 mins based on 2 months of practice and that, it is easily possible to manage this with practice. My mantra was 3 mins of initial brain storming, followed by 3 body paragraphs for roughly 4 mins each, then conclusion in 4 mins. Finally I would write introduction and do a general sense check in remaining time from my 30 mins. My final GRE essay was quite long too roughly in 600s.

Hope this helps. Thanks team Testbig ! Because of your ratings, I was able to focus better after good writing sections in my main exam in which I managed to score 330 (170Q/160V).

Thank you so much for the feedback. Most of testbig users can only type around 450 words in issue essays, around 400 words in argument essays, so the e-rater continuously gives you alert. We didn't know you actually can type over 600 words in half an hour.

Again congratulations for the great achievement you reached in GRE. Also we really appreciate the test tips you provided above which will be very helpful for other GRE users.