The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
It’s easy to get carried away with the many reasons that the statement above makes for opening a jazz music club. However, the statement, while on the surface convincing, also makes many assumptions about the enthusiasm for jazz in Monroe. In order to truly assess whether a jazz music club in Monroe would be a profitable enterprise, one would need to gather evidence on the demand for jazz in Monroe, as well as specific evidence regarding the reasons given as to why jazz is popular and the cost and actual profitability.
The statement highlights the point that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away without taking into account why such a reason could be fallacious. Perhaps the nearest jazz club is that far away because there has not been much demand for jazz at all in Monroe. Perhaps the demand there is for jazz is equitable to the distance to that jazz club. The author does make a point in trying to argue as to why there is demand for jazz by giving reasons as to why it’s popular, but again these reasons can be deduced further.
It is mentioned that over 100,000 people went to the jazz festival last summer without mentioning exactly why these people may have gone to it in the first place. Perhaps the people actually went to the festival for other reasons. Perhaps there were other activities, other events going on as part of the festival that were the most significant attractions for people. Evidence showing exactly what was included in the festival would help in knowing why the people went, as well as possible surveys asking them why they want. If it turned out that most went for reasons other than jazz, then the argument here would be weakened and would not indicate popularity for jazz.
Another reason given as to why jazz is popular is that many jazz musicians live in Monroe. Again, perhaps this is not due to popularity at all. Evidence showing exactly how many jazz musicians live in Monroe, as well as their reasons, would be needed. Perhaps all of them are retired musicians, and perhaps Monroe is made up of many retired musical artists of all genres that are here to live in recluse. Only because the musicians live in Monroe does not mean they play in Monroe, so evidence showing how much they actually play jazz in the city would need to be gathered.
The radio program called Jazz nightly is also given as a reason as to why jazz is popular, but in reality, perhaps there are many different types of music that are played in this program. Perhaps people tune into the program because it is at 7 PM and a time when most people can. Perhaps they tune into the program out of availability instead of an actual desire to hear jazz. One would need to gather more evidence as to what other things are included in this program aside from jazz music and see how popular the program is without being compared to other radio programs.
The argument also mentions how much the average jazz fans spends on jazz equipment, but it does mention that this is based on a nationwide study. If jazz turned out to not be so popular in Monroe, based on the previous evidence discussed in the previous paragraphs, then this may not prove anything as to its demand. Ultimately, perhaps jazz just isn’t very popular in Monroe. Along with that, though, the profitibality is also brushed away in the statement without really analyzing it. It mentions that a jazz club would be profitable, but there is no further examination of the cost of a jazz club. Not only would demand for jazz and the popularity play a factor, but one would need to actually assess if the earnings would be enough to warrant a jazz club. Perhaps jazz is popular n Monroe, but perhaps quite a lot would need to be invested in order to turn it into a profitable business. One does not have to account for just popularity, but also economical resources.
Ultimately, the most important evidence that would need to be gathered as to assess if the argument for a jazz club is strong or weak here would be evidence regarding the demand for jazz, its popularity, and its overall cost and profit prospects. Each of the reasons outlined for why its popular would need to be assessed further.
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Sentence: Along with that, though, the profitibality is also brushed away in the statement without really analyzing it.
Error: profitibality Suggestion: profitability
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK. Maybe people are from other cities.
argument 3 -- OK
argument 4 -- not OK. 'highest-rated radio program' is not equal to 'most popular radio program '. Maybe simply means it has a good quality.
argument 5 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 745 350
No. of Characters: 3361 1500
No. of Different Words: 253 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.224 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.511 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.298 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 223 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 165 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.032 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.345 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.645 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.35 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.565 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.15 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5