In order to determine if a person will succeed one should assess a bunch of aspects. Although, in today's world people should be organized in order to attain his or her goals, exists other characteristics that are more relevant. This is an interesting topic that will divide people because each one will provide a different opinion. Nevertheless, when it comes to me, I outright consider that to keep one's room organized doesn't means anything, based on some reasons.
To begin with, to succeed in life, one should be devoted. Scientists are concurred that those people who don't work hard, won't achieve their goals. Therefore, for one to be proficient in a field one should focus on that. to be more specific, I will mention my brother as example. When my brother went to college he shared a room with a friend of him. At times, my brother argued with Roberto his roommate because my brother was a little disorganized on his room due to the fact that he studied a lot he didn't have enough time. Meanwhile, Roberto always tried to keep the house impeccable. Nevertheless, Roberto didn't have a good academic performance as my brother because Roberto focused on other things. As a result, my brother graduated firsts than Roberto who stayed a year longer than my brother. So, one might say that devotion is the key to succeed.
Another noteworthy aspect is that to be disorganized at home doesn't mean that one does the same in all places. In fact, there are people that behaved differently when they have to face responsibilities. For instance, When I'm at home, I don't pay to much attention to my mom when she asks me to clean my room because I know that she will do it for me. Notwithstanding, in my job I display a unique behavior of organization. In fact, my supervisor considered that I'm a good employee.
In addition when people have problems they neglect their duties. An example of that is my friend Jose that after his grandmother passed away he disregards his activities. Indeed, Jose didn't make homework and his house was a disaster. Otherwise, Jose was an organized individual before facing this situation.
To conclude, the most organized is not the one who has more chances to succeed because devotion is the most important. Also, people not always behave the same way, especially when people have problems.
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in today's world people should be organized in order to attain his or her goals, exists other characteristics that are more relevant.
Description: what is the subject for 'exists '? can you re-write this sentence?
there are people that behaved differently
there are people who behaved differently
when she asks me to clean my room because I know that she will do it for me.
Description: 'she' refers to what? Be sensitive to use pronouns.
is my friend Jose that after his grandmother
is my friend Jose who after his grandmother
devotion is the most important.
devotion is the most important thing.
people not always behave the same way
people do not always behave the same way
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Words: 411 while No. of Different Words: 206
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 411 350
No. of Characters: 1868 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.503 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.545 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.687 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.906 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.492 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.118 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5