The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
The bar charts elucidate the factors affecting employee’s performance of major company and compare between two age groups of workers (18 to 30 and 45 to 60).
It is apparent that, the chance for personal development for the junior employees of approximately 92% is recorded as the most affecting factors. It is followed by relaxed working environment factor, which is taken up of almost 80% of young groups. Promotion prospects have influenced 80% of workers in their early 30 of ages than those who are over 45 (50%). In contrast, the senior groups showed the least factors get affected by those factors for juveniles as it reached at 25% and 40%, respectively. Meanwhile, the lowest factors that workers considered when they work are job security and work environment. Interestingly, twice as many of young age people get affected with a job security factor than those of old age group (of 20%). For the work environment factor both age group have the same portion of around 30%. Another factor that affects the both age group equally is team spirit of about 60. Respect from colleagues and competent boss are more influenced to people of more than 45 years of age than those for workers with 18 of their ages.
Noticeably, most of factors have influenced on employees with age between 18 and 30. Though each group varied on their factors affecting their work performance both age groups were highly motivated and at par by team spirit (60%) and money (70-74%).
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The bar charts elucidate the factors affecting employee’s performance of major company and compare between two age groups of workers (18 to 30 and 45 to 60).
The bar charts elucidate the factors affecting employee’s performance of a major company in two age groups of workers (18 to 30 and 45 to 60).
In contrast, the senior groups showed the least factors get affected by those factors for juveniles as it reached at 25% and 40%, respectively.
Description: what are 'those factors' ?
Respect from colleagues and competent boss are more influenced
Respect ... is more influenced
both age groups were highly motivated and at par by team spirit (60%) and money (70-74%).
Description: can you re-write this sentence?
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
read a sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/bar-chart-below-shows-results-surve…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 10
No. of Words: 249 200
No. of Characters: 1174 1000
No. of Different Words: 125 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.972 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.715 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.617 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 83 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 60 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 37 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.833 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.083 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.392 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.092 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4