GRE:
Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system.
Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.
With the time passing, modern societies have become more and more intricate and so do the human beings. Laws and legal process cannot solve the issues of modern society since they cannot warm people's hearts and minds. To some degree, I agree that human beings cannot be shaped completely by rules. It is because laws only maintain the minimal level of moral, laws not solve the real causes of some issues, and some moral information of laws.
First of all, laws only constrain serious harmful behaviors, which does not mean that laws could shape people to have a high integrity. For instance, laws punish people who injure others, but not people who do not help poor people or be friends with them. Therefore, there might be problems about poor people lived on streets or poor kids who cannot receive a good education. These problems cannot be solved solely by legal system, but need everyone's concern and generous help. However, laws do not rule people's minds and cannot ask all people must help others.
Secondly, laws only discipline people's evil behaviors, but not discover and deal with the reasons why they become malignant. Without finding the real causes, the crime would still exist. To illustrate, some problems are from people hearts and minds which cannot be eradicated by punishment of laws, but by thoughtful and humane care which might touch people's hearts and then offer them a positive thought.
Nevertheless, there are some basic moral information could be demonstrated by laws and rules, like do not hurt others. Depending on laws, people who do not obey would be put into jail and isolated from normal society. If all malicious are put in the jail, the society would become positive for avoiding the disturbance from malignant behaviors. In other words, if a society has less villains and criminals, the society will be affected more by normal positive minds. Then, these positive minds could both help and reduce problems of the society.
To sum up, although laws and rules maintain the basic and least moral standard, they cannot guide people's minds to a peaceful level. Thus, people cannot expect that laws and legal system would cultivate a large number of gentle and sympathetic people. As a result, there are still some problems in advanced world which cannot simply be dealt with laws.
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there might be problems about poor people lived on streets
there might be problems about poor people who lived on streets
there might be problems about poor people living on streets
Sentence: These problems cannot be solved solely by legal system, but need everyone's concern and generous help.
Description: The fragment but need everyone's is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace need with verb, past tense
Sentence: To illustrate, some problems are from people hearts and minds which cannot be eradicated by punishment of laws, but by thoughtful and humane care which might touch people's hearts and then offer them a positive thought.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and hearts
flaws:
better to always support one side. change this:
Nevertheless, there are some basic moral information could be demonstrated by laws and rules, like do not hurt others. Depending on laws, people who do not obey would be put into jail and isolated from normal society. If all malicious are put in the jail, the society would become positive for avoiding the disturbance from malignant behaviors. In other words, if a society has less villains and criminals, the society will be affected more by normal positive minds. Then, these positive minds could both help and reduce problems of the society.
to:
Admittedly, there are some basic moral information could be demonstrated by laws and rules, like do not hurt others. Depending on laws, people who do not obey would be put into jail and isolated from normal society. If all malicious are put in the jail, the society would become positive for avoiding the disturbance from malignant behaviors. In other words, if a society has less villains and criminals, the society will be affected more by normal positive minds. Then, these positive minds could both help and reduce problems of the society. However, they can only solve part of the problems. Still there are a lot of problems remaining. for example, religion issues...(more development here)
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More content wanted.
For issue essays, around 450 words, for argument essays, around 400 words.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 389 350
No. of Characters: 1879 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.441 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.83 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.222 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.45 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.249 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.562 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5