"Sports stars & movie stars have an obligation to behave as role models for the young people who look up to them. In return for the millions of dollars that they are paid, we should expect them to fulfill this societal responsibility." -
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing & supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
Most of us dreamed, as a kid, to become a sport star like Zinedine Zidane (French soccer player) or a movie star like Brad Pitt. Those famous stars were an example for us, the achievement of the dream come true. It was not only for what they achieved but also for who they are as a person, being generous and benevolent. Today as an adult I expect them to be an example for the youngs, but not because they are being paid a lot of money. It's because of their status that they are an example. But on the other hands, they stay humans who lived goods things and bad things in their life and they are the ones who decide who they want to be for our young people.
Firstly, being a sport or movie stars, is the achievement of perseverance, patiente and work of a specific skill. Engineers, scientits, teachers etc...have all skills but they don't go to work followed by a bunch of supporters cheering them; the skills we are talking about are less common. Some of those sport stars have also a really out of the ordinary like being immigrant, fleeing war zone, being poor etc...but they look up and fought until they reached their goal. And it is that which make them an example for the kids of today.
Secondly, I think it is inappropriate to use the money as a leverage to make famous people behave responsibly for the young people. If they are paid millions, it is because of all the profit that the sport club or production company they are working for is so high; it's a marketing reason. Zlatan Ibrahimovic is being paid 14 millions euros per year to play soccer but he is an arrogant person and from far an example for the kids. I don't see how it is fair to impose him to be a nice person, you can't change ones character and even less by imposing it.
Thirdly, famous people are humans like any of us; every human has a different character and manners. If a sport star want to be a role models for young people, he will. It is him/her and only him/her who decides if he/she wants to be a role models for, as it is every kid to decide if he wants to be the protagonist or antagonist.
To conclude, to force sport and movie stars to be a role models for young people because they earn a lot of money isn't going to work. It belongs to each famous person to be who they want to be. Nevertheless as many other people you wish that sport and movie stars try to be an example for the kids.
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Sentence: If a sport star want to be a role models for young people, he will.
Description: The fragment star want to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace want with verb, past tense
Sentence: Firstly, being a sport or movie stars, is the achievement of perseverance, patiente and work of a specific skill.
Error: patiente Suggestion: patient
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 463 350
No. of Characters: 1875 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.639 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.05 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.165 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 101 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 56 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 35 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.15 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.452 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.537 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.184 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5