"The Mozart School of Music should obviously be the first choice of any music student aware of its reputation. First of all, the Mozart School stresses intensive practice and training, so that students typically begin their training at a very young age. Second, the school has ample facilities and up-to-date professional equipment, and its faculty includes some of the most distinguished music teachers in the world. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to be the best known and most highly paid musicians in the nation."
The argument presented above is clearly mentioned that the Mozart School of Music is a first choice of any music student. To elaborate that the writer gives the three example stating the justification that for what reasons the Mozart School of Music build their reputation in the field of music. The first reason which is given is the Mozart school stresses intensive practice and training, so that students typically begin their training at a very young age. The second reason is the the school has ample facilities and up-to-date professional equipment and the faculty includes some of the most distinguished music teaches in the world. And the third and final reason is that many Mozart graduates have gone on to be the best known and most highly paid musicians in the nation. From the above reason it will be not concluded that the Mozart School of Music is a best music school.
First of all from the above argument it seems that there is no other music school with the competition of that school. Because it seems like a one sided argument. And the argument also not states that the what kind of music is teaching in that school. Because music has various subject like classical, modern such as. And it is not possible to any school to teach all kind of music in one place because everywhere instruments are same but the style of music is different for example Indian classical and folks are different from the American classical and folk.
In addition to that the Mozart school stresses intensive practice and training, so that students typically begin their training at a very young age. This reason is not sound good reason. Because music is that which is not done with a military force or any kind of stress or burdon it will come from the heart. Even though it is true that some kind of music needs practice from very early age but it is not all the time truth because you can learn music at any stage of age there is age limitation for that. This kind of statement is rediculous.
With the continuation of this the second reason which is given above is school has ample facilities and up-to-date professional equipments. It is true that up to date equipments and plentiful facilities are required for any kind of music school. But is not whole and sole necessary requirement for becoming famos music school. With a limited equipements and facilities person can learn a music but the more facilities and euipments or stuffs are always helpful. In support to this argument the another reason is given is that the faculty includes some of the most dignified music teaches in the world but it is not required for teaching music. A good teacher always become famous amongst the students. Therefore from that kind of statement is not indicates that the Mozart music school is a best school.
Last but not least the third reason which is given in the argument is that many Mozart graduates have gone on to be the best known and most highly paid musicians in the nation. Even if that is true but is all the matter of chance and luck because not every student is that much famous or that much highly paid. The argument is truly based on monitory gains and name and fame they are not taking the example of the musician who is happy in small town in very little payment, and that person who is locally famous, and that person who is voluntarily teaching music free of cost for a young children. In that case the school should not be bios to that people who is world famous and monetarily strong. So that reason the above arguments clearly indicates that the reasons are not supportive.
In a conclusion nearly all the statement mentioned in a argument clearly shown that the writer fails to considerate the other possibilities which will helpful for a students for choosing the right music school for themselves. And the Mozart music of school is not their first of choice. The argument is baseless and biased.
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Sentence: To elaborate that the writer gives the three example stating the justification that for what reasons the Mozart School of Music build their reputation in the field of music.
Description: The fragment Music build their is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace build with verb, past tense
Sentence: The second reason is the the school has ample facilities and up-to-date professional equipment and the faculty includes some of the most distinguished music teaches in the world.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to the and the
Sentence: And the argument also not states that the what kind of music is teaching in that school.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a WH-determiner
Suggestion: Refer to the and what
Sentence: In support to this argument the another reason is given is that the faculty includes some of the most dignified music teaches in the world but it is not required for teaching music.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, singular
Suggestion: Refer to the and another
Sentence: Therefore from that kind of statement is not indicates that the Mozart music school is a best school.
Description: The token a is not usually followed by an adjective, superlative
Suggestion: Refer to a and best
Sentence: In a conclusion nearly all the statement mentioned in a argument clearly shown that the writer fails to considerate the other possibilities which will helpful for a students for choosing the right music school for themselves.
Description: The tag an adjective is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to considerate and the
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to will and helpful
Sentence: Because music is that which is not done with a military force or any kind of stress or burdon it will come from the heart.
Error: burdon Suggestion: burden
Sentence: This kind of statement is rediculous.
Error: rediculous Suggestion: ridiculous
Sentence: But is not whole and sole necessary requirement for becoming famos music school.
Error: famos Suggestion: famous
Sentence: With a limited equipements and facilities person can learn a music but the more facilities and euipments or stuffs are always helpful.
Error: equipements Suggestion: equipment
Error: euipments Suggestion: equipment
Sentence: The argument is truly based on monitory gains and name and fame they are not taking the example of the musician who is happy in small town in very little payment, and that person who is locally famous, and that person who is voluntarily teaching music free of cost for a young children.
Error: monitory Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In that case the school should not be bios to that people who is world famous and monetarily strong.
Error: bios Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Words: 690 350 (write the essay in half an hour)
Don't need to list 3 reasons in the first paragraph.
Three paragraphs are good enough to support in essay body. Don't need 4 paragraphs.
Grammatical Errors will affect marks greatly. Need to remove them gradually.
follow the writing style by top users:
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 690 350
No. of Characters: 3181 1500
No. of Different Words: 234 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.125 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.61 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.373 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 205 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.919 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.329 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.505 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.104 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5