What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country?
Give reasons and examples to support your response.
I am Indonesian citizen and proud being it. I love the liberty for delivering my opinion freely or without anxiety because my country has its independence since 1945. It means had been 67 years ago. Thus, today, it becomes one of memorial event which brings right and obligation for every person around me and develops economic and builds law independently. Hence, we make merry every year.
After my country is being independent, I ever read historical book which explains more about it. There are many office like House of Representative Building, Bank, and so on in the center of city, which is built by society and architect. People like young and adult also get well education in school who builds by colony before. However, there are many historical building from colony like college and the street name that still exist. Hence, it needs repair to make it better and well-looked. The building is being reconstructive and appear symbol that representative Indonesian characteristic, for example the roof top of the building is changes, become more traditional such as Rumah Joglo as symbol of Javanese people.
Beside all of above, government make policy and develop economy aspect. The aspect is consist of the role of trading, regulation of transportation, national income, and so on. All of it causes policy in every aspect more strict. We should comply with it, for example in transportation aspect. The minister of transportation states that every people who want to buy their own-car should have garage in house. Also the life cycle use of car is not more than five years. It all policy is made to reduce air pollution and decrease traffic-jam.
Furthermore, being independent makes people have their own right and obligation. People can complain and obtain their own right if they feel suffer. For instance, when I bought car in official-dealer, I have got some trouble in fuel while I drove. The advertise told me that the fuel of that car is used for 10 liters/km. In fact, I spent 7 liters/km. I felt like suffer so I made complain to the dealer and also the institution which handled and protected consumer right.
To sum up, I personally state that independent-day is the memorial event in my country. Thus, we celebrate it every year royally.
- Compare yourself today and yourself five years ago. In what ways are you the same or different? Use specific examples to support your response. 50
- People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer. 56
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Young people enjoy life more than older people do.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 57
- If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. 80
- In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is best and why. 68
Sentence: I am Indonesian citizen and proud being it.
Description: The word being is not usually used as a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to being
Sentence: It means been 67 years ago.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to It and means had
Sentence: Beside all of above, government make policy and develop economy aspect.
Description: The fragment government make policy is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: The aspect is consist of the role of trading, regulation of transportation, national income, and so on.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and consist
Sentence: I felt like suffer so I made complain to the dealer and also the institution which handled and protected consumer right.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to like and suffer
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2 (read a grammar book)
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.731 21.0
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 383 350
No. of Characters: 1826 1500
No. of Different Words: 220 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.424 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.768 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.751 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 123 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 75 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 51 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.731 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.525 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.654 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.257 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.468 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.083 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5