Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.
In such a civilized society, in spite of several disagreements, people have in various areas, so far as one’s view goes, one point that virtually everybody approves upon is the importance of taking a prolonged career. This is mostly owing to the fact that people want to have a secure in order to pass their lives perfectly. With this in mind, a broad range of controversial attitudes might stimulate heated debate as to whether young people should take various jobs before enrolling in a long-term career or not. Among numerous views one can give for this matter, I personally believe that it is not required for young people particularly student taking different jobs. I will vindicate my two conspicuous reasons in ensuing lines.
The first and noticeable reason which comes to mind is the fact that young people should increase their knowledge related to their fields by exploring new things rather than taking numerous jobs. Needless to say that, by enrolling in various jobs, the student not only will not be able to concentrate well but also will become so confused. On the other hand, students who study a lot and accumulate some specific data, will become so skillful and have a profound perception before the beginning of their habitual career. Take myself as an example, when I was studying at university, I had the chance of taking some other part-time jobs, but I preferred to join several additional classes associated with my own field. After my graduation, I became one of the members in decision committee of a company, which was responsible for investments of enormous projects in the country, during the projects I found myself so confident against some problems due to my powerful background in my field which I obtained at the university.
Another important point which deserves some words here is that young people can spend more times besides their studies. For instance, going to clubs, concerts, and trips with their families and friends which will lead them to be productive and efficient. In my view, after taking a long-term career, the leisure time will be decreased due to the difficulty and responsibilities which every person may be encountered. According to a reputable study conducted at the Sharif University of technology, it was found that a vast majority of young people have no any sense to take more jobs. They prefer to have some extra time to exercise and going trips which are similar to my last mentioned point.
To wrap it up, there are numerous reasons which can be persuasive enough not taking more jobs. Based on the given reasons above, I highly recommend that all of the young people should focus on only their field to become a successful person in their careers.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2017-11-08 | ferisotoudeh | 90 | view |
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- Integrated Writing 3
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 421, Rule ID: WHETHER[6]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to"?
Suggestion: whether
...attitudes might stimulate heated debate as to whether young people should take various jobs b...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 554, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
...at a vast majority of young people have no any sense to take more jobs. They prefe...
^^
Line 3, column 696, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...are similar to my last mentioned point. To wrap it up, there are numerous reason...
^^^
Line 4, column 154, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... reasons above, I highly recommend that all of the young people should focus on only their...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, first, if, may, so, well, as to, for instance, in my view, in spite of, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 15.1003584229 99% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 9.8082437276 143% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 13.8261648746 80% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 11.0286738351 163% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 43.0788530466 97% => OK
Preposition: 65.0 52.1666666667 125% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2266.0 1977.66487455 115% => OK
No of words: 459.0 407.700716846 113% => OK
Chars per words: 4.93681917211 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62863751936 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.68621001536 2.67179642975 101% => OK
Unique words: 243.0 212.727598566 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.529411764706 0.524837075471 101% => OK
syllable_count: 712.8 618.680645161 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 9.59856630824 83% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 12.0 4.94265232975 243% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 20.1344086022 134% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 55.0531671303 48.9658058833 112% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.294117647 100.406767564 133% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.0 20.6045352989 131% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.41176470588 5.45110844103 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.5376344086 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.204865694451 0.236089414692 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0697262751483 0.076458572812 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.067776661444 0.0737576698707 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.134019722061 0.150856017488 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0637071759848 0.0645574589148 99% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 11.7677419355 130% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 58.1214874552 76% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 10.1575268817 136% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.67 10.9000537634 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.69 8.01818996416 108% => OK
difficult_words: 108.0 86.8835125448 124% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 10.0537634409 127% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 90.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 27.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.