The following appeared on the Mozart School of Music Web site.
"The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
The passage states the author’s conclusion that the Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents, when choosing a place for their children to learn music. This statement is based on assumptions that are not necessarily true, misleading the readers with vague and doubtful informations.
First of all, it is mentioned that a reason for enrolling a child at this school is the fact that they welcome youngsters at all ability and age levels, with any auditions. Although this could be an attractive information for some people, it raises serious questions concerning the quality of the music lessons on that facility. If any child is able to attend to the classes, the results may not be as promising for more talented youngsters as if they had classes where a selection in made before the classes start, providing a higher level of musical education. On the other hand, if the Mozart School’s policy is based on dividing the students according to their skill levels, making it possible for a kid to progress on the classes even with no previous knowledge in music whatsoever, but without holding the more skilled kids back, then it would be a positive aspect of the school. In other words, the author would benefit from detailing this policy, instead of just assuming that is a good thing.
Another point of view raised in the argument is the author’s bold assumption that a wide variety of musical instruments, styles and genres is an indicative of good musical education. This could become an issue for the children if the teacher on the Mozart School are not specialized enough to understand the nuances of each musical instrument and style. If the same teacher is responsible for everything taught in the school, the quality of the education could, again, be questionable. If there are many different teachers, each one of them with deep knowledge of the area he/she is trying to teach the children, then that fact should be pointed out in order to support the author’s point of view.
While it is reasonable to say that including some of the most distinguished musicians in the area is a synonym of good education, this could also raise questions wether they have patience and understanding for teaching children. More information regarding that is necessary in order to convince well informed parents to make a wise decision. To top it all, the information the many Mozart graduates have become well-known and highly paid musicians is vague and doubtful, since it does not provide real examples and names to evidence this information.
The author’s conclusion is vague and rely on assumptions with no key factors on which strong analyzes should be based on. The assumptions are weak, flawed and do not support his/her point of view.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: While it is reasonable to say that including some of the most distinguished musicians in the area is a synonym of good education, this could also raise questions wether they have patience and understanding for teaching children.
Error: wether Suggestion: No alternate word
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- some issue with this:
To top it all, the information the many Mozart graduates have become well-known and highly paid musicians is vague and doubtful, since it does not provide real examples and names to evidence this information.
correct:
some children may want music lessons only as a hobby...
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 467 350
No. of Characters: 2245 1500
No. of Different Words: 231 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.649 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.807 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.638 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.188 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.76 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.57 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.079 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 397, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...end to the classes, the results may not be as promising for more talented youngsters as if they...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 505, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...d, again, be questionable. If there are many different teachers, each one of them with deep kn...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 46, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
... it is reasonable to say that including some of the most distinguished musicians in the are...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 163, Rule ID: ASK_WETHER[1]
Message: Did you mean 'whether'?
Suggestion: whether
...cation, this could also raise questions wether they have patience and understanding fo...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, regarding, so, then, well, while, first of all, in other words, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2327.0 2260.96107784 103% => OK
No of words: 465.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00430107527 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64369019777 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81607463192 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 235.0 204.123752495 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.505376344086 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 708.3 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 59.5073524869 57.8364921388 103% => OK
Chars per sentence: 145.4375 119.503703932 122% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.0625 23.324526521 125% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.75 5.70786347227 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.351513089389 0.218282227539 161% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.108395909504 0.0743258471296 146% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.11617426546 0.0701772020484 166% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.187593585062 0.128457276422 146% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.121357699932 0.0628817314937 193% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.6 14.3799401198 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.5 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.98 8.32208582834 108% => OK
difficult_words: 115.0 98.500998004 117% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.