The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a national newspaper.
"Your recent article on corporate downsizing* in Elthyria maintains that the majority of competent workers who have lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship, often for years, before finding other suitable employment. But this claim is undermined by a recent report on the Elthyrian economy, which found that since 1999 far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated, bringing the unemployment rate in Elthyria to its lowest level in decades. Moreover, two-thirds of these newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages, and the vast majority of these jobs are full-time."
*Downsizing is the process whereby corporations deliberately make themselves smaller, reducing the number of their employees.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the letter avers that hardship of employees, who were fired as a result of corporate downsizing, is over owing to the fact that the Elthyrian economy is thriving and the rate of unemployment is lowest in decades. The writer gives us some evidences which should be scrutinized in order to give a comprehensive evaluation of the soundness of the argument.
We were told that the rate of unemployment is the lowest one in ten years; however, does it mean that hardship of fired workers is overcome? Unfortunately, the relative improvement of overall situation in the country's economy does not inevitably lead to solving the problems which victims of downsizing are underwent. The statistical data is impersonalized and therefore we cannot extrapolate the data about general well-being of society on one particular part of it. Thus, this factor may not have an expected result of lives of the saked workers.
Moreover, we were given information that a plethora of work was created in some industries and than two-thirds of these positions are well-paid. Although this information sounds positively, may we be sure that due to the change hardship of the fired workers is over? The new positions may not match with the education or experience of the workers. If victims of downsizing are professional managers or software engineers, they will looking for similar jobs which are connected with their education. In other words, the requirements to new jobs should suit competention of the workers. Otherwide, new positions are not available for them.
Furthermore, we know that these employees are cometent ones. Perhaps they have a high positions in hierarhy of corporations before their positions were eliminated. Consequently, one will look for a job which will be comparable with the previous occupation. For instance, a vice president probably does not accept a position of a mere manager. This previous experience will impede and restirct their search for new work.
Additonally to it, we do not know if the fired workers are worked full-time or part-time. If they used to work part-time, the full-time occupation will not be desirable by them. Owing to the fact that we were not given information about previous occupation and level of education of fired employees we may assume that they for exmple get used to work several hourse a day and therefore new positions in industries where they will be resquired work for eight to ten hours in row is not accepted by them.
In conclusion, the author of the letter asserts that hardships of victims of downsizing is conquered due to the enhancement of local economic. However, perhaps, the changes will not alleviate the problems of the fired workers in case, these improvements do not address the root of their problems. Therefore, we cannot accept the author's conclusion.
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Sentence: The statistical data is impersonalized and therefore we cannot extrapolate the data about general well-being of society on one particular part of it.
Error: impersonalized Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Thus, this factor may not have an expected result of lives of the saked workers.
Error: saked Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In other words, the requirements to new jobs should suit competention of the workers.
Error: competention Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Furthermore, we know that these employees are cometent ones.
Error: cometent Suggestion: competent
Sentence: Perhaps they have a high positions in hierarhy of corporations before their positions were eliminated.
Error: hierarhy Suggestion: hierarchy
Sentence: This previous experience will impede and restirct their search for new work.
Error: restirct Suggestion: restrict
Sentence: Owing to the fact that we were not given information about previous occupation and level of education of fired employees we may assume that they for exmple get used to work several hourse a day and therefore new positions in industries where they will be resquired work for eight to ten hours in row is not accepted by them.
Error: resquired Suggestion: required
Error: exmple Suggestion: example
Error: hourse Suggestion: house
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK
argument 4 -- not OK
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http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/following-appeared-letter-editor-…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 465 350
No. of Characters: 2320 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.644 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.989 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.886 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 136 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 107 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 79 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.217 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.95 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.783 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.283 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.53 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.143 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5