The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.
"Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire, because it has spectacular natural beauty and a consistent climate. Another advantage is that housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Moreover, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. And best of all, retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
At first sight, one could believe that Clearview should be indeed a top choice for anyone seeking to retire, but a deeper study of the arguments presented by the author gives out how flawed and unsupported his claims really are.
First, the author states that Clearview has a spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, but he does not clarify what kind of natural beauty Clearview has, nor he presents any evidence that the climate is consistent, even less that it is a nice climate to live in retirement.
He also claims that the housing costs have fallen significantly during past year, but he does not provide the reason behind this, neither has he presented any evidence that the costs dropped significantly. Even if the housing costs lowered, it could be because crime or lack of public services, this would be a big problem for people looking to live there. He also does not give any data about the taxes in this or the neighbor towns. And while it may be true that taxes are lower in Clearview, they still could be much higher than the national average.
Also, the author says that the mayor of Clearview promised a lot of improvements in different areas, which could mean that these areas have some failures to begin with, and the author does not give any warning about it. Moreover, the mayor could be making false promises just to get a re-elected or to attract people to live there. This would be a great deal-breaker for the people looking to move here.
Finally, the author of the article claims that the health care is excellent in Clearview, since the number of physicians is far greater than the national average. While this somehow is an advantage, it does not assure that the service would be good, or that the physicians are well prepared, or that the hospitals have the necessary equipment and infrastructure to treat people with excellence. Quantity does not equal quality, and one would have to research about the physicians in Clearview and the hospital’s characteristics and equipment to validate that statement.
In conclusion, even when the author is not necessarily wrong about Clearview being a good place for retirement, he needs to present all the data and evidence necessary to support his claims, and make a stronger case in favor of the article he wrote.
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nor he presents any evidence
nor does he present any evidence
flaws:
Well, for GRE argument essays, better to agree the statement, but find out loopholes.
For example, you told 'but he does not clarify what kind of natural beauty Clearview has, nor he presents any evidence that the climate'. This is not a loophole.
Better way: 'although consistent climate and natural beauty might be attractive to many retirees, these features are probably not important to all retirees.'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 394 350
No. of Characters: 1860 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.455 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.721 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.528 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 123 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.308 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.564 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.846 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.374 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.677 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.145 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5