In the memo, the director recommends that Bargain Brand Cereals should expand its business and begin marketing other low-priced food products as quickly as possible. Although the recommendation seems convincing at first, the lack of evidence leads me to question its validity.
First, the director needs to answer the question of whether the increasing customers are significant phenomenon in the long-run. He assumes that there are many customers who are derived from their low prices; however, it is possible that the number of customers increases temporarily at the first year. Customers also might turn their preference for the new product to original ones in the long-run. They might not buy the new cereals for the next year because they are not satisfied with the products as a whole. Thus, the author is required to give more evidence to answer the question. Without solid evidence, it is difficult to agree with his assumption that low-prices will attract many customers as they have done for one year.
Second, the director should answer the question of whether attempts of top-selling companies can be neglected. Since the companies have tried to compete with the Bargain Brand Cereals by lowering their prices and other plans, the author should consider their efforts which may be overriding the pie of cereal-markets of the author's brand. There are high chances that the competitive companies will more succeed to sell their cereal. In addition, he believes that they can get benefits from persistent low-prices; however, the company might fail to be profitable because low prices could not yield higher revenues. Therefore, he has to answer these questions to recommend surely.
Lastly, more information to answer these questions are needed. It is undeniable that the brand has succeeded to drive more customer than before; however, what if the main reason of the result is not the low-prices but other factors such as its favorable tastes and advertisement strategies. The success of the food cannot guarantee that other success of expanded business with the same strategies. In this case, the strategies might not lead to equal results when applied to other products. Also, he should ask that it is proper time to expand its business at now. The current business might not be stable enough to begin expanding business. Furthermore, its expanded business will be successful. Therefore, unless he answers these questions, it is unreasonable to continue to its low-prices-strategy to other foods.
In conclusion, the recommend regarding taking the low-prices persistently is unpersuadable in many aspects. To bolster the recommend, he needs to provide more valid evidence and then answer these questions.
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Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 432 350
No. of Characters: 2237 1500
No. of Different Words: 214 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.559 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.178 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.769 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 100 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.783 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.94 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.295 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.496 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.14 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 37, Rule ID: WHETHER[3]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: whether; the question whether
... First, the director needs to answer the question of whether the increasing customers are significan...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 36, Rule ID: WHETHER[3]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: whether; the question whether
.... Second, the director should answer the question of whether attempts of top-selling companies can b...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 16, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...tegy to other foods. In conclusion, the recommend regarding taking the low-prices persist...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 120, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...persuadable in many aspects. To bolster the recommend, he needs to provide more valid evidenc...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, lastly, may, regarding, second, so, then, therefore, thus, as to, in addition, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 28.8173652695 146% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2302.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 432.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 5.3287037037 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55901411391 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85268972179 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 217.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.502314814815 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 694.8 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 47.5805952409 57.8364921388 82% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.086956522 119.503703932 84% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.7826086957 23.324526521 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.30434782609 5.70786347227 110% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.189839278675 0.218282227539 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0531567079758 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0630805758406 0.0701772020484 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.116072750755 0.128457276422 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0580943964023 0.0628817314937 92% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 14.3799401198 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.63 12.5979740519 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.66 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 113.0 98.500998004 115% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.