The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that builds and sells new
homes in Steel City.
"Over the past five years, the population of Steel City has increased by more than 20 percent,
and family incomes in Steel City have risen much faster than the national average. Nationwide,
sales of houses priced above $150,000 have increased more than have sales of lower-priced
houses. Such data indicate that we should make changes in our business to increase
company profits. First, we should build fewer low-priced houses than we did last year and
focus instead on building houses designed to sell at above $150,000. Second, we should hire
additional workers so that we can build a larger total number of houses than we did last year."
The presiednt of a company, building and selling new homes is convinced that the company firstly should focus on building houses to be sold above $150000 than the lower prices houses, and secondly they should increase their workforce to contribute to their vision. The authors visions seem to be elicited by the increasing national family income averages and promising the Nationwide sales figures. The author's visions is supported by assumptions that seem unwarranted. The author should provide relevant answers to the following three questions to make the argument more cogent.
Does the increase in family income in Steel City by 20% indicate that the residents are willing to spend more. Perhaps, the increased family income rates would encourage to indulge in investments and savings for future use. It is possible that the Steel City has a larger number of low income families than wealthy families and thus rise in family income would not be compelling enough for them to purchase new houses or afford houses that have a staggering price of atleast $150000. The author must conduct surveys in the city to assess the percentage of residents who are willing to look for new properties and eventually buy them, along with the prices they will be able to afford.
How does the Nationwide sales figures for houses priced above $150000 presage the spendthriftness of the residents of the Steel City? It is highly possible that the Nationwide figures of increased sale of houses priced at atleast $150000 is a poor indicator sales charcteristics of a certain region. It is possible that another region in the country for example has a huge population of wealthy people who have the means to afford sumptuous houses. The Nationwide data mostlikely, provides no evidences or data specific to Steel City and the trends on the number of residents who might be able to, and willing to spend exorbitant amounts for a house. The author must rely on the previously mentioned survey to estimate the possibe consumers in the city rather than on the Nationwide figures.
Does increased work force ensure better, faster and economical completion of constructions? Perhaps, the cost incurred by the company to hire workers for the vision of building more number of houses would be staggering if the workers are not content with the salary that is offered to them. They might demand higher salaries for the construction work that is supposed to be sold at prices at or over $150000. It is also possible that an increased and a new workforce along with existing might lead to reduced coordination amongst themselves. This would lead to serious complications and faltering of the whole vision at a fundamental level and incurr gigantic losses. The author should carefully monitor the expenditure on the inducted workers and their induction should be based on their skills, experience and precision at their job.
In sum, based on the above stated unwarrated assumption on which the argument stands exposes its infirmity. The author must assess the purchasing power of the residents of the city by conducting extensive and pervasive surveys, and carefully monitor the expenditure on the new workers. This would render the argument stronger and more cogent than it is.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 534 350
No. of Characters: 2675 1500
No. of Different Words: 229 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.807 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.009 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.655 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 219 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 100 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 68 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.273 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.516 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.273 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.295 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.295 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 276, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'vision'.
Suggestion: vision
...contribute to their vision. The authors visions seem to be elicited by the increasing n...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 398, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...promising the Nationwide sales figures. The authors visions is supported by assumpt...
^^^
Line 1, column 410, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'vision'.
Suggestion: vision
...e Nationwide sales figures. The authors visions is supported by assumptions that seem u...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 469, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...d by assumptions that seem unwarranted. The author should provide relevant answers ...
^^^
Line 2, column 170, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'indulging'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: indulging
...sed family income rates would encourage to indulge in investments and savings for future u...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 69, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'presage' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'presages'.
Suggestion: presages
...s figures for houses priced above 50000 presage the spendthriftness of the residents of...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, if, look, second, secondly, so, thus, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 11.1786427146 179% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 73.0 55.5748502994 131% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2711.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 534.0 441.139720559 121% => OK
Chars per words: 5.07677902622 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80712388197 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.68543047629 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 239.0 204.123752495 117% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.447565543071 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 849.6 705.55239521 120% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.578973389 57.8364921388 89% => OK
Chars per sentence: 123.227272727 119.503703932 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.2727272727 23.324526521 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.45454545455 5.70786347227 61% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.236192523285 0.218282227539 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0713981394399 0.0743258471296 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0767521608948 0.0701772020484 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.131763412104 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0756496242744 0.0628817314937 120% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.48 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.94 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 139.0 98.500998004 141% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.