The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The given prompt compares the monkeys and the humans based on having similar level of hormone ‘cortisol’ in the mother and firstborn infant. Following three questions must be answered to validate the conclusion made in the given prompt.
Firsty, can a sample of 18 rhesus monkeys be enough sample to draw conclusion about the effects of birth order for individual stimulation in monkeys? It may be possible that those sample monkeys had higher level of cortisol hormones in them in the gene causing high cortisol hormone in the family line. Perhaps, first born monkey got underlying condition of higher cortisol from those sample monkey parents. If any of the above case is true the argument made does not hold water.
Secondly, monkeys and humans have different environment of living, food and stress level. Considering this, how can firstborn monkey and human hormone level be considered ignoring other external factor? Maybe the monkey have hormone B causing it to have higher cortisol while human has higher stress level causing it to have higher level of cortisol. It is possible that monkey has higher cortisol in them due to higher activity and humans have higher cortisol due to high salt in food. If any of the above case is true the contention made is considered flawed.
Lastly, the study compared cortisol level in first time pregnant monkey and monkeys who already had child. How can the cortisol be compared without giving the exact quantity? Maybe the higher level of cortisol is not compareable. The firsttimer pregnant monkey may have 2 cortisol level while non-firsttimer pregnant monkey might have 1.95 cortisol level. Although the cortisol level is higher in first time pregnant monkey it is not significant to draw conclusion. If above case is true, the assumption about the pregnant monkey is not validated.
All in all, it is essential to have concrete contention to draw conclusion about the study. If the the assumptions and evidence is flawed the argument is considered faulty.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.0 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 330 350
No. of Characters: 1641 1500
No. of Different Words: 135 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.262 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.973 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.495 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 84 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.368 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.173 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.579 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.367 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.367 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 28, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'rhesus' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'rhesuses'.
Suggestion: rhesuses
...ven prompt. Firsty, can a sample of 18 rhesus monkeys be enough sample to draw conclu...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 408, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...tisol from those sample monkey parents. If any of the above case is true the argum...
^^
Line 3, column 487, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...gher cortisol due to high salt in food. If any of the above case is true the conte...
^^
Line 4, column 324, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...vel while non-firsttimer pregnant monkey might have 1.95 cortisol level. Although...
^^
Line 4, column 358, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Although” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...monkey might have 1.95 cortisol level. Although the cortisol level is higher in first t...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 95, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
... to draw conclusion about the study. If the the assumptions and evidence is flawed the ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 95, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
... to draw conclusion about the study. If the the assumptions and evidence is flawed the ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 3.0 13.6137724551 22% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 13.0 28.8173652695 45% => OK
Preposition: 40.0 55.5748502994 72% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1684.0 2260.96107784 74% => OK
No of words: 330.0 441.139720559 75% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.10303030303 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.26214759535 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59150976556 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 142.0 204.123752495 70% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.430303030303 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 526.5 705.55239521 75% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 29.6902756029 57.8364921388 51% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 88.6315789474 119.503703932 74% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.3684210526 23.324526521 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.68421052632 5.70786347227 47% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.132237013336 0.218282227539 61% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0487187856314 0.0743258471296 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0519514610337 0.0701772020484 74% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.072727888702 0.128457276422 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0484459139029 0.0628817314937 77% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 14.3799401198 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.0 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.54 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 64.0 98.500998004 65% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.