The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
In this letter, the editor of a scientific journal claims that the birth order effects on an individual's levels of stimulation. To support her argument, she points out that a recent study that in simulating situations, firstborn infant monkey and human produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Also, she said during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had the higher amount of cortisol than did those who had several offspring. Careful scrutiny reveals that this argument has several logical flaws.
To begin with, the author hastily assumes that the hormone cortisol which makes primes more active can indicates the levels of stimulation. More activity cannot mean the levels of stimulation or even, could indicate that weakness for stress. Until the author presents us specified data that is whether the amount of hormone cortisol can be an indicator of the level of stimulation, we cannot be convinced by this argument.
Second, based on the fact the amount of cortisol is higher in firstborn monkey than other monkeys, she thinks the word, 'twice' is a statistically significant number. There is no such guarantee that the word 'twice' really show substantiate increase. For example, the original amount of the hormone in non-firstborn monkeys is so small that the double amount in firstborn monkeys is little to affect the activity of monkeys. IF this is true, her argument is not proper
Third, if we admit other problematic assumptions are true, there is still a critical problem. She thinks that the firstborn child and first-time mother are same. Her conclusion that firstborn children have their own character is related to the genetic trait, however, the first-time mother is not relevant to genetics rather than relating to experiences. If she cannot why she thinks that two different research materials are similar, this argument cannot be cogent.
In conclusion, this letter of an editor of a scientific journal is dubious as it stands. To make her argument more persuasive, she has to give us data about whether the amount of hormone cortisol can show the levels of stimulation and explain that the double amount of firstborn monkeys in the stressful conditions is the really meaningful number. To evaluate better, we need to know that why she thinks the firstborn monkeys and the first-time mothers are similar.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 394 350
No. of Characters: 1983 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.455 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.033 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.625 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.843 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.335 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.555 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.194 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 104, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[2]
Message: The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: 'indicate'
Suggestion: indicate
...isol which makes primes more active can indicates the levels of stimulation. More activit...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 465, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...this is true, her argument is not proper Third, if we admit other problematic ass...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, really, second, so, still, third, as to, for example, in conclusion, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 28.8173652695 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 44.0 55.5748502994 79% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2038.0 2260.96107784 90% => OK
No of words: 394.0 441.139720559 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.17258883249 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45527027702 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70885793449 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 193.0 204.123752495 95% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.489847715736 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 621.0 705.55239521 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.2420621081 57.8364921388 97% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.882352941 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.1764705882 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.35294117647 5.70786347227 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.159066592305 0.218282227539 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0639456157279 0.0743258471296 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.101721000765 0.0701772020484 145% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0958475252536 0.128457276422 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0728412107668 0.0628817314937 116% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.62 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 98.500998004 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.