The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
In the journal article above the author draws a conclusion that birth order effects an individual’s levels of stimulation in certain situations based on observations made for rhesus monkeys and similar correlations found among humans. The author says that first born produce more cortisol and hence more stimulation to certain situations. However, the author fails provide clear evidence that this is in fact true. In the following paragraphs these limitations are explored.
First of all, there is no mention of the sample size taken for the study. If the number of monkeys taken for the research is small and not indicative of the total population, the results very well may not represent the actual trend. It could be that only by chance the trend for firstborns with higher cortisol was noticed. In reality there may not be any noticeable relation. In fact, there bay be an opposite trend when larger sample is studied.
Also, the article fails to mention the test conditions under which the experiment was carried out. For instance, the situation may have been more stimulating for the older offspring than those arranged or encountered by the younger offspring. Or perhaps the older offspring were mentally developed beyond the younger offspring and having more experience to actually understand the importance situation better leading to increased stimulation!
Then again if we are to actually look for a cause in this article as to why this correlation exists, there is none given. And correlation doesn’t mean causation in general. For the observation to mean something a definite explanation has to be given as to why the correlations exist. For example, one could take the number of road accidents in an area and correlate it to number of homes saying more homes equals more accidents, however that would not be true.
Also, the article draws a similarity between human children to the monkey offspring but once again humans and monkeys are not the same thing. And studying one with the expectation that it would give similar trends to other inherently injects bias into the study. There is also a throw away line about first time mothers having elevated cortisol. This line serves no purpose as to proving or disproving the previous statement. Not to mention the fact that no explicit reason for this correlation is given.
In conclusion the study results can be explained by many factors. Inherent bias injected into the study, no actual underlining reason given for the relation, small sample size etc. And in order for the article to firmly support its claim it must provide concrete and definite proof of the underlining reasons for this trend.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 440 350
No. of Characters: 2182 1500
No. of Different Words: 228 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.58 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.959 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.599 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.13 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.877 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.739 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.254 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.254 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.06 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 6, column 325, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...the underlining reasons for this trend.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, hence, however, if, look, may, so, then, well, as to, for example, for instance, in conclusion, in fact, in general, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 24.0 16.3942115768 146% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2240.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 439.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.10250569476 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57737117129 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7118735642 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 228.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.519362186788 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 702.9 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 62.3789262074 57.8364921388 108% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.3913043478 119.503703932 81% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0869565217 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.82608695652 5.70786347227 120% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.101943807377 0.218282227539 47% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0286912380809 0.0743258471296 39% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0468065715986 0.0701772020484 67% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0576639730727 0.128457276422 45% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0589883881072 0.0628817314937 94% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 14.3799401198 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.3 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.5 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 109.0 98.500998004 111% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.